The long, lost friend... and lover (part 3)

"Making the first move to patch things up shouldn't always come from the one one who made the mistake but it can come from the one who understands."
-Jonathan Malabanan (he sent me a message)

Some two weeks after our rift between each other about Wendy and CJ, the coldness between us seemed to melt down and we begin to talk to each other again. At first, some 5 messages every three days or so, then it became 5 every 2 or other day. We talked about our dads, my last name(he said Irish D. Diaz is cool but Irish D.Kaulitz is cooler- aba, himala...) and the JS. He mentioned one time that even if i hurt him, i still have an hectare-like place on his heart and im very special. I told him he was so nice to me, after all the hurt and badness i did to him, he still treats me as if im really something special to him. He explained that i was so kind and so hospitable to him especially during the JS- i said "hi" to him when i was in the jeepney, then i asked him for a picture with me, and most excitingly, i asked him to dance with me- it was so sweet to remember for him. Like he wanted a flashback. I told him that he was so kind to me, to the point he did what other guys never did for me, being so gentlemanly. And when we danced, he was so nice at nakakatuwa sya. Paano ko naman nasabi na nakakatuwa raw syang kasayaw?? for him, nakakabitin talaga akong kasayawone time lang. But he blamed himself and he felt so sad. It must be because i asked him again to dance with me but he refused.
I wonder why we became close again after all the hurt we suffered?
It must be because of the worsening situations of our dads. Both of our dads are the same, like after we follow their whims, abuse our loyalty, they'll blame us for mistakes that they actually made(that we never did), treat their family like vermin, treat other people like they're more special than we are, they treat us as if we're stupid, they use foul language on us, and most of all they keep their private lives a huge secret from us(as if they think we didn't know that they have girlfriends-lol). So we ended up both complaining about our fathers to each other, as well as the atrocities they inflicted upon us.

After some disses about my dad(who was so angry with me and my sis for "destroying" his lite ace for no apparent reason), i told him that after i graduate, i plan to escape my dad. Xurt said that dad was scary na somwhat abusive, so much like his dad. Then he said that after he graduate too he's going to move away from their home. Then he hoped that i'll tell him where i live by that time so he can visit me. Xurt was really so glad that he met someone like me. I said i plan on becoming a history professor but dad egged on me to pursue his dream, BS Management. Then he said, he will start a better family, a better life, better than his family now. He will never be like his dad and that's a promise to himself and to his future children. Then he told me that he thinks i'll be a really good mom. Hahahahaha, as if im gonna be a mom!!!
I never told him this but, im afraid of commitment, more with having to leave kids if i die early like mom. I don't want things to happen to others the way things are happening to my family, especially to my future kids. I don't want to leave a hubby who's weak enough to ruin my bereaved, motherless children's lives. So it's better off not having kids, especially a hubby-lol.
But Xurt said that i should think positive and pray that i'll never end up like mom. Anyway, i asked him how can he tell if im gonna be a better mom. I also added that he looks like he's gonna be an awesome dad. He said that he feels like im gonna be a really good mom and also im really kind and caring. Then i told him that if ever i'll get children, i would prefer only one child. Then Xurt asked me why only one, for him children bring happiness(if you're financially stable and mature enough about life-lol), he wants to have 2 or 3 children- see? one of the things that prove he's a true, blue Filipino. Then i explained the reason why i wanted to have only one child(but i added that two is okay), then he was awestrucked and told me how sweet is that. He wished that he was my son instead so he can feel the tender, loving care of a mother like me. He wanted to have fun with his son and he will not treat him the way his dad treated him. Maybe during that time, he was beginning to think of me as a wonderful mother for his two or three future kids.

While i was on my way home from Manila, Xurt suddenly told me that he missed me so much. Since tomorrow will be the elections(and he knew the joke about him made by me, Jonathan and Mark), i told him that im already packing up all my things so i won't miss my flight to China in case he wins the election. He was like "... what??!! You're leaving for China??!!! Huh?? you're dad's gonna vote for me?? I can't even do things that i cannot promise... when are you coming back to me, este, here in the Philippines??!!". Then i told him that it was only a joke, reminded him that tomorrow will be the elections and i missed him so much. He missed me too badly that he want to squeeze me with his arms.

The next day, things for the two of us began to go uphill. He told me that he got some pics of me on his phone. Then we talked about our dads again. I asked him how his mom handle this very hard and painful situation. He said, for his mom the better revenge for the girl who stole her husband is to let her keep him. I understand the reason behind this. If you let the girl keep your man, then she would have a lot of problems because she doesn't love and accept him truly for what he is, unlike you. Same thing could be said with my dad. Although he's a widower, my mom told me some months before she left that if dad remarries or gets a girlfriend, she will often haunt him and the girl. She seemed to be pretty serious about it.
That night, Xurt asked me if i was playing DOTA when i told him that im on the computer. Then all the DOTA slang came out of my mouth and shocked Xurt. He was like "... how did you know the term Beyond God-like?? I bet you're playing DOTA as well."
I told him no but i learned all those slang from Dean and Julien- who were die hard DOTA players. Then later on Fb, some flabbergasting facts were revealed. Xurt wants to be a graphic artist when he grows up. The reason why xurt loves Wendy coz nung js practice ang sweet talaga ni wendy, shy sya pero confident. Like she wants other people to approach her first. about 70-80% syang sure na love nya sya, muhahahahahahaha. Then i found his reason to be shallow and GT's explanation deep enough. I asked Xurt if he's sure that Wendy really is the one for him,
more so that there are many, many more girls out there better than her(which is true, right??). Then Xurt got mad at me and told me that i was downgrading Wendy too much. Oh cmon, as if it was my fault that Wendy has a weird finger on her left hand and she's poor in academics?? >_<
I didn't replied for a while, i was crying so much on the inside, until i told something to Xurt that kinda went like "i dont want a friend like her to get hurt.", then he said that he regretted talking about Wendy to me because we end up hurting each other again. Then i said "okay, im sorry too" and we became happy again. We then talked about sir Manucat(when i said "Hi Chenes", he replied back "hello mrs.Diaz"- oh fuck, may nahahalataan na ako dito), his dreams(he had a dream one time that he had a Chinese girlfriend who looked like Kim Chiu and he was holding and hugging her tight) and flying, giant mooncakes. Before we signed out, i called him "liebling"(to reciprocate the sweetness he had gave me), he said he was touched and he called me darling once again.

Then a few days later, he told me that i should keep his family problems a secret.Then i told him that this secret will surely be safe since i learned the hard way. He agreed and said that it's wonderful to have someone to lean on his problems, like he wanted to hug someone just to stop a tear from dropping. Then we talked about teachers and classes after i said that our dads are as mean as t.Myn. I told him about the three hour sermons t.Myn gives to everyone after CBA(which causes classes like English or Filipino to be postponed), then in Lipa everyone gets happy when t.Myn destroys some class because this gives them the opportunity to work on their assignments longer(like we are too in the case of sir Manto). CJ would often tease t.Myn behind her back, the way she pronounce "Papa Jesus"("FAFA JEZEZ") which gave the Lipaers lots of LULz. Then he asked me if everyone in my house knew we were crushing on each other, i said yes-even the dog, roaches and the rats knew about it. He told me to tell them not to be chismoso and all, his neighbors already knew our bad romance. I asked him what can they say about it, he said that "ang cute daw po ng nililigawan ko!! hahahahahahahah"... at di nagtangi si xurt na nililigawan nya ako!!! muhahahahahahahahahahahaha... His neighbors got to know about this when they saw Xurt's primary photo on fb as well as the wallpaper of his phone. Then he asked if there's anybody else who knows about our friendship. I said the guys in our autosupply knew that he's wooing me out and they're happy for me. He asked me why were they happy for me?
I simply said because it's my first time to have an admirer. Such a weird, quirky, childish me having an admirer is really shocking for many people. Xurt was a bit shocked upon knowing that it was my first time to have an admirer, at least they know that someone like him can accept me, a person like me for who and what i am. I told him that i was glad and asked him if he can accept the real me- a strange, clumsy, quirky, nerdy, boyish me. He doesn't think of me as strange, but he thinks of me as pretty. He was glad that im ... uhm, glad about it. Then he asked me if i accept him him for who he is, for better for worse? 'till death do us part?? joke... :) (yeah... he said that actually.)
Some hours before i had my first wisdom tooth extraction, i checked out my facebook and saw new pictures of Xurt in the Request ni ate Irish album of his. This time, he tagged only me. Not with Wendy, Abby or Elyzza. Just me.
Then after a chat with him on facebook, he wished that i was a bit like her- Wendy. Goodness gracious, i will never ever be like her, or even her counterpart. It's one of the most stupid things someone ever told me. =p Then he wished me a good night with honey dreams as always. Then he added that im his warm and comfy pillow tonight. Thanked me for the time and bid me to take care.
The next day, i was having a really awful time with my self. My left cheek was so swollen and it hurts a lot and i feel so tired and groggy. Then all of a sudden, Xurt sent me a message, asking me how is my pain going and wished he was my toothache so he's the one that im dealing with(hah, you had enough-lol). But the good news is that he's right here to make me happy. He said that okay lang daw maging adik sya basta adik sa akin(naks...). When i say im happy coz he's happy, he become even a lot happier. Im not marijuana, im rugby coz madikit daw ako and nakakaadik ang amoy lalo kapag dinikit. Then he asked me what i wanted to talk about, i said Tokio Hotel(i just feel like talking about TH). I asked him if he heard of any Tokio Hotel songs and he said no, he tried to download some but he can't download them because of those copyrights chuvaekek.Then he asked me if i know the song "I love the way you love me" because that song is so romantic. I told him nope, and my left cheek is really swollen. He was like, "Paga na? awwww... pero i think it's still a kissable cheek? Mapula po ba? Nangangamatis ika nga po ng mga Batanguenyo. Haha, let me just kiss it para gumaling na, haha joke. Then i told him that my cheek is not kissable, in fact i avoid any touch or contact in that part. Then on his last text for that night, he said maybe his kiss can cure it, malay po natin, joke lang huh. After he said his usual good night, chocolatey dreams, sensya po at bitin tau. sleep tight my cute darling!! take care... i replied with a snappier "Ayos lng yun. At least you made me feel a lot better. Guten nacht... Sweet as mooncake dreams, sweetie."
That probably left Xurt sleepless with so much euphoria that night.

The next day, i posted on my facebook some new photos of mine. I tagged them for Xurt as thanks for the photos he gave me. When he saw the pictures, he sent me a message to open my fb, im so sweet and he called me sweetie. When i opened my Fb, i was surprised that Xurt liked all my pics where he was tagged and sent some sweet comments. Then he opened his fb and he noticed i was online too. Then we went on for some chat. He was talking about my photos and i called him sweetie- which made him so happy. I remember him asking me why i called him that, the reason is that because he is so sweet to me. Then he was disconnected from fb. A few moments later, he sent me a phone message, saying that i was disconnected too(but i was on fb when he texted me). We just felt just the same when we call "sweetie" to each other. Everything is so different with me, when i danced with him, when i hugged him, when i called him sweetie. What if he revealed to me that he was gay all along? I told him i would still accept him for who he is, besides my past major crush(now a kind of minor) is often mistook as a gay person. He was surprised and realized that im a really rare kind of friend. Calling him sweetie, he felt like he's floating in the air, it's like all his problems were gone, and his heartbeat was fastened by my words. If hindi ko daw mamasamain if he called me sweetie in personal, he wouldn't think twice calling me "hey darling, kumusta na po?" or "hello there, sweetie.... what do you want to do now while we're together?" hahaha. Then i asked him what if i called him sweetie in person, what would be his reaction. He wouldn't faint at all if i call him that personally. He would redden, would blush hard, then i would see the glitters off his eyes.

Then our innocent, tweetums-like crushing would soon be sprinkled with lust- a kind of phenomenon normal with teenagers in love because of ranging hormones. One day, isang araw, i saw, nakakita Juliemar and Xurt bashing each other with comments in one of my photos. They were backlashing about steamy stuffs and Xurt's perverted past, which took me with unsurprise. I wasn't surprised at all because im aware Xurt is not as holy, pure and innocent as my best friends. He once mentioned about sex and he wasn't flailing at all, unlike Jonathan or Mark, if you mentioned to them even just the word "lovemaking", they would panic. Xurt thought i was turned off with him after i commented on their brawl. I remember he sent me a message saying that he may be horny at least he's different from all the others. For one day, he didn't talked to me. If he did, he will say he's too disturbed. He was like that until later that night, he was online so i took the chance to talk to him about it. You know, the truth sets us free. He told me that he feels so disturbed because he might look so immoral to him now i knew he was horny. I made him feel like he's still fine with me and he's not the only horny person around. I told him i read stuff about sex in womens magazine. Then i found out that he once read FHM and i told him, so do i. Then he felt so light and wonderful again. But his lustful happiness will not last him long.
After being shouted at by dad with no valid reason at all, i texted Xurt away so i can make myself feel a bit better. He replied in a flash, saying that we're just of the same problem. His dad is womanizing again, his mom's truly aware of it. But at best, we have each other and we know it. and he implied our horniness. I wasn't expecting anything lustful anyway. Then Xurt revealed that i was the first girl to say such horny things to him, and i was the first female to hear about his horniness. I just rub it in that we're horny even just a bit. Im the very first one. Then he lost load.

The next morning, i sent him a good morning message and asked if he got a nice sleep, reply to me if he wanted to. He said yeah and i assumed right(that he lost load last night). For him, he seemed to go crazy whenever he reads my messages from him, because all of a sudden he'll smile. His sleep last night was fine, and he always wanted to text me, im so sweet. And then he told me that before he went to sleep, he had a some kind of "Night dreaming"- he was lying on his bed and beside him is me, and he was hugging me so tight like he doesn't want to release me. He had no idea why he was thinking about that. It was his last will before he drifted off to sleep. A person hallucinates when he's about to fall asleep. He said maybe he is so stressed out and his tio thought that he like me. It was a factor but he warned me that he has nothing bad in his mind about me.
I was overwhelmed with what he just said. Never any of my crushes would dream like that about me. Imagine Bill telling me himself on my phone that he dreams of hugging me all night. I was blushing so dark and full of glee. I felt like i was in heaven. But i knew there's something deeper with what Xurt said. If my dirty mind was to be believed, he probably implied sex. He just said that he has nothing bad in his mind about me so that i wont be afraid of him. Sex or no sex, i was in rapture-hahahahahahaha!!! Whaddayouknow, my crush is lusting after me!!!! Something that makes me feel guilty because of my conscience but it's also something that my teenage hormones makes me feel so blissful about.
I asked him if his bed is large enough for the both of us. And he said yes, but he squeezed me right beside him. He doesn't know why he was thinking of those kinds of stuff, he's pure and he wasn't the kind of guy who looks for one thing in a girl(aka sex). Then i asked him what if tonight i just appeared beside him in his bed. His answer was he will not sleep all night just as long im beside him, even if im asleep. He'll just stare at me, at my face all night long. Then he won't miss the chance... sex isn't it??(OMFG!!! HE JUST SAID WHAT??? HE WANTED TO HAVE WITH ME?? WTF!!! *hyperventilating* o.0) nah, he likes girls for they are the ones who i can hug, kiss, and make them feel his love for them(scheisse, why???) and maybe a bit of sex. (x_x)
All boys chase it on girls, he says.But the others, maybe sex is just a small factor, he admits that he goes looking for it too. But before that thing, he knows that sex is the result of love, not the other way around. I should be happy because im the only one whom he opened up with this.
I told him what about my best guy friends, are they looking for sex in me? I dont think so anyway. He told me that their case is different, from the start i was so sweet to him and he was attracted to me romantically. Im so kind, nice, sweet, friendly- all in all the ideal girl for him. In my best friends' case, im their ideal best gal pal.

Inside me i was freaking out. Of course he's my crush but i don't want to do it with him. Crushing on Xurt is different from crushing on Bill. Bill's is fantasy crush and super admiration, while Xurt has some dint of teenage and friendly love. It's hard to lust after someone you knew personally.

I asked him that if he'll do what he just said if that happened, and he said yes and he's serious. Why would i doubt that he will not do it then. (O hindeeeeee, he's serious he's gonna do me. i wanna diee... x_x) Then he didn't reply back until i came home from the Church(and singing "Anima Christi" and "Spring nicht" on the streets to acquire peace of mind). He's really dead serious, besides what's the reason for girls like me to exist if there's no one who would love me, and he's just right here. My gulay, that bashi bazouk have no idea that i am more than a useless, dumb plaything whose only main purpose in this world is to be loved by a guy like him. I have a lot of blessings from God that makes me more than what he thinks i am. I was a bit offended but still my infatuation for him stops me from being angry with him and just take it as a compliment. He's lucky though that he's my crushie. If he wasn't, then he would be dead. I told him that i blushed and he was amazed that he made me blush. That's how he really think and feel, so why would he regret it. and of course if he'll gonna do it to me for real, what will i do?

I told him i dont know. But deep inside me, i wanted to do what Lady Gaga did on her video Bad Romance- burn him horribly to death. Then he replied back, but now he sounded mightily disappointed with my answer- i bet he wanted me to answer "of course, i'll do it with you" or what. Of course, i wont answer that(until probably, we're engaged with each other). When i couldn't take Xurt's miserable disappointment, i stopped replying. Damn, i really need a break from that guy. I don't know when the hell will i reply back to that pervert... i made a mental note on my head that particularly dizzy sunday afternoon.

That night, i got a message from Xurt telling me to forget everything he said a while ago. He was disturbed with it and he bade Wendy good night(crap, no "good night, sweet, sugary, honey, chocolatey dreams" for me). Then he went on for a day without sending me a message. Whenever i send him a message that day, he would reply back "im too disturbed". Then i got tired of this balderdash of his that i buzzed him on fb. I told him that i wasn't bothered at all with what he said. I got a bit uncomfortable, but i accepted it as part of life. In every person's life, there will come a time when someone will love/lust after him- no matter how ugly, nerdy or weird he is. That's how this crazy world probably goes. I even told him that i feel like im in Bill Kaulitz's level because of that. Then he felt okay and said he was sorry for telling me those kinds of stuff, he's the guy so he should be the one who should apologize. He doesn't want the time when i will disappear from him to come, he's so afraid to lose things and people so important to him. It's hard to accept. Then he's happy that he'll not lose me(as of that time). Then he bade me good night and buttercake dreams(and called me sweetiepie). Then he called me Irish for the first time ever. Once again, we're back to being that innocent, teenaged bad romance status.

Then we went on with our last moments of talking to each other, we talked about my boyishness(he was flattered when i told him that he changed me a bit), my classmates(he told me that us fourth year are pretty weird. He just can't help but smile about it.), me being called a "dog"(if Kevin was a horse and Dean a pig), my solo pictures in his cellphone(he said he got a lot- pictures of me last JS, last year's JS, me with bangs and the one that i wore black with shades- he doesn't put my pics as his cellphone's wallpaper), the possibility of becoming his classmate(he will be holding me and jump like a happy spirit if that happens), his shyness(i told him that he's too shy and he told me that it was the first time ever he was told by someone about his weakness), our sweetness (he said that im sweet enough to be his reward and such) and some other things i erased back then.

One afternoon, i sent Xurt a message but he isnt replying. His sister Xefi was online on facebook so i decided to ask her what's up with him. She told me that Xurt doesn't have load to reply back and then all of a sudden, she asked me if i find her brother cute and all. I said yes, then she asked me if i got a crush on him, then she egged on me to admit by telling me that it would be a secret between the both of us, but that secret wasn't long enough. I told her that i got a crush on her brother, and then the next thing i knew was that his mom replied back(in Xefi's account). She told me that i shouldn't make Xurt cry- how's that for a caring mother?? ;) Then Xefi got back on her account and asked me what's why age(which caused her to say "oh my momay" when i told her my age)
Later that night, Xurt found out that i chatted with his mom and sister. He asked me what did they asked me. I told him that they asked me if i got a crush on you and i told them yes. When i told him that his mom told me that i shouldn't make you cry, he was embarrassed and apologized for having his mom ask me that. He even added that he should be the one who shouldn't make me cry(hahahahahahaha. like he already made me cry for two weeks straight once, when he was so mad at me when i told CJ about my pain, and even more times on the inside). Man, that thing he said still gives my fingers some weird feeling every time i read that. I told him that he shouldn't be embarrassed coz his mom is so caring and concerned for him. Then he told me that sometimes her care is too much, it's like he's a baby, and in front of many people, it's really embarrassing, especially with the fact that he's a guy. She has to get used to it because he's a boy, being overprotective just won't help. When it became a bit late, he told me that i can go to sleep now if i want, he doesn't like it that he's making myself suffer. The choice is yours, my darling- he said. When i told him that im going to bed(in fact, watch Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets) and asked if he's gonna be fine, he replied back that he'll be fine, i should think more about myself and he likes that. Okay darling, sleep well, good night and honeydreams po, next time ulit. byee.... he said.

One day, i told him that he made me feel so loved and i wanted to do something so sweet tonight. Then he told me that i make him feel like that too. In fact he feels this weird kind of euphoria and i was the only one who made him feel like that. Then he guessed right what i wanted to do, call him. But he never answered my call later on, but he apologized for not answering the phone call(his phone's on silent mode) and then he told me to sleep tight(and called me sweetie).

I thought all this Wendymonyo thing is over but i was wrong. the next day, Xurt told me that nakakapanhinayang talaga si Wendy. I asked him why, he explained that she doesn't seemed to be interested at all with him. He never had a talk with her for two weeks and he only receives GMs from her. When he replies to her GMs, she would only reply "Magandang hapon din" or "Hindi, nagreply lang ako". When i told him that she maybe not interested with her, i was surprised that he wasn't offended at all. He could sense at all that Wendy is not interested but she sent him a quote "Ingat para sa taong espesyal sa akin, miss you para sa taong namimiss ko, love you para sa taong mahal ko, ingat miss you love you para sa taong nagbabasa nito."
He doesn't get it, she's so confusing and she asked him if he was ever been in love. She asked him if he was in love before and he shouldn't think of her question badly, and she told him to just forget everything she told him about Joshua Dionesio because she's so sick of him but her fb profile still proves that she still love him. He told her that hangang crush crush lang, no name was given. "Right, don't get a girlfriend yet(or something like that)..." said Wendy to him. He then lamented that they're so confusing. He's so lucky that he still got me. The "they" he's referring to is not only Wendy but all the girls who left him because they lost interest with him.
Kim Macalalad, seemed to have a crush on him but he got a crush once on her cousin and she's aware of that. On their way home, they were holding hands for the whole trip but she was asleep back then. My eyes seemed to pop out when i got to know that he once had a crush on Kimberly Macalalad's cousin, and the only cousin i knew of her is Geelo. I don't know if i should laugh or cry. Then he told me that it was Vanessa Macalalad(the hell i don't know her), they used to like each other before but she got a bf now; Kim is the only one who got a crush on him, he's not sure if it's true; Kim grabbed his hand behind him on their way home from the JS and she held it for the whole trip. I asked him when did he got a crush on Vanessa, he said 2007. The saying was true "You can never have too many friends", he says. Then he enumerated the girls: Anna Lopez- his cousin but they used to like each other(incest much?? hahahahaha. I used to crush on my married 35 something year old uncle from Hong Kong as well as Tads number 1 *rolls eyes*), Vanessa- given who the hell she is, Kim Macalalad- she's so sweet with him as if they're already together and last Anna Noreen(aka Wendymonia)- he had no idea that much about her. Well he knows a lot more girls, those whom he just mentioned were those who left him, who got tired of him as a guy pal. That's why im so different from them. Then i called him and then there he goes, asking me how can he tell if girls got tired of being friends with a guy. After the call, he thanked me a lot for being such a good girl friend to him, i am with those who don't leave people like him. Then he bade me the usual, sweet good night, sweet sugary dreams to me- his sweetie.

The next night, we got plans to call each other. Then he told me that he's slowly taking away all his hopes up for Wendy- HALLELUJAH!!! But the bad news was, my cellphone was going crazy that i couldn't hear calls, so he told me to open my YIM so i can see him again(i told him i don't have a webcam but that doesn't matter), that's one of the businesses of good friends and for sure that would satisfy ang pagmimiss ko sa kanya. Im his special and affectionate friend, that's why.
I was lightened up but felt miserable and guilty coz i had Xurt waste his 20 to unlicall me. When we were in YIM, we were talking about a lot of (damn crazy) things- our favorite color, his night dreaming(of me being in his bed again and he would like to hug me the way he hugs his pillow right now), he likes to hang around with me(he even said that he would like something like a practical life/camp thing and just the two of us were teamed up together), he's beginning to hate Wendy, dissing out Bill's new style, Bill Kaulitz, his new favorite band Big Time Rush(Yung incoming fourth year guys sa Lipa ay ang Big Time Rush: sya yung kamukha ni Yen- what a fucking coincidence!!! Kung sila ang Tokio Hotel, si Xurt siguro si Bill-aka yung matangkad na baklang ewan!!!), and he even said this: "tsaka ang gagawin ko lang ay: tititin ko lang po mukha niyo, tititigan ko lang po mata niyo, i'll put my hand in your forehead and down to your hair, and i'll do the same things over and over again". In his vid, he was wearing a blue tshirt, his yawn was as cute as Bill's, his smile is so cute and he often show me his Fat and Thin pillow. Behind him, Xyen makes a lot of mischief- making faces and all. Then Xurt also began to make weird faces and stick his tongue out. I was downtrodden and near to tears when i saw the wallpaper of his phone was Wendy but i was especially touched when he held a piece of paper saying "I love ate Chenes"(he loves me in a friendly way).

After watching Sex and the City 2 with ate Ash(and i wished someone will shoot me on the spot as i went out-since i remember Xurt and what he said some time ago), i found out that Xurt sent me 10 peso load- how sweet. Then i told him the good news, the good news was that i had my phone fixed and we can call each other. Then he thanked me for saying that he was cute when he was yawning or smiling(and he was nakilig about that), and i shouldn't forget that i told him that i love him as a friend. And then he bade me good night(and called me ms Kaulitz!!! hahahahahaha)

After enlisting in AISIS, i told him that my PE will be fencing, it's supposed to be table tennis- fencing he said was a bit hard and he told me that he's great in table tennis. Then after a trip to my two dentists, i dashed off to netopia to rent a computer and see him again in YIM, this time i used their webcam so he can see me too. During our YIM, we didn't talked much- maybe a few things like my new Harry Potter tshirt and my smile. We just stared on each other and made faces or something. Later that night, he told me that my smile was unforgettable but he still couldn't call because his unli150 don't work yet. He didn't call until next night came, when i was on my way to Calamba with my sister and cousin Tads 1. He told me that he spent his elem days in st. John Academy in Sampaloc, Manila. Then he bade me ingat after 16 minutes of chatting on my way to Calamba.

Last monday, i told Xurt that i was having a really rough time with dad especially in the autosupply. He told me that if he just lives near us, he would often visit me to alleviate my loneliness. Then i told him that it's alright just as long as he'll never make me cry. Then he was shocked because he know so far that he didn't make me cry. Then i told him that he did made me cry, when he was so angry with me about Wendy. Then he said he's sorry and never realized that he made me cry. Everytime he remember that, it makes him feel so embarrassed and stupid. I told him that he was scaring me a lot. Then he told me that he learned something in that incident too. He fet so bad about me but he cant endure the pain knowing that his friend is getting hrt by him. It hurts him a lot more than it hurts me, he says. I told him that i never told him i was crying back then coz i know he wouldn't give a damn coz i hurted him. Why wouldn't he care? its' about me, and include the fact that he pitied me and himself so that's why he was hurt. He never wanted something like this to happen, to hurt someone like me.
I told him that he told me back then that he loves Wendy, but Xurt said that he only liked her. Then he said sorry again coz it's like he cheated on me, but the good news is that he hates Wendy. He just sticked only to me. Consider this fact, the couples who fight frequently tells that they love each other. It's hard for him to choose between Wendy and me, but he chose me because i reciprocate his feelings while Wendy don't. I told him i call Wendy Wendymonia behind his back when i was still heartbroken about him, it was a time when i never expected that he'll tell me soon that he still have me. He was surprised when i told him that but i was even more surprised with what he said next. For him, i was more than a friend. I was in the middle of friend and girlfriend. That was the first time someone treated me almost like a girlfriend. I don't know if i see Xurt as something like that, i just see him as more than a friend, something like a lover but not boyfriend. He will miss my messages, and i gave him a very affectionate care that's why im a big lost for him.He never felt like this from the other girls. He preferred me to be simple looking and without makeup on often- far from what i wanted to be.Then he went on ranting about Wendy being so rude to him, Wendy was stupid, crazy, weird, a waste and disrespectful girl. And he asked me if he was wearing a barong on his wedding(the crazy dream i had about him) and i told him that he was wearing a formal attire- dude, if ur wearing a barong, i'd wear a cheongsam.


So, there we have it. These three blog posts about Xurt were made as a kind of remembrance. As my days of talking with him every night on my phone, smiling at his sweet nothings and goodnights, blushing after being called "darling", "cute chenes", "ms Kaulitz", "liebling", "sweetie", "sweetiepie", "honeybunch", "mrs. Diaz" or something and taking cute pictures of me with my bangs for him drew to a close, here i am writing to my blog that will make me recall that in my teenage years- the gap between my Montessori and my eventual Ateneo days- that i got a love life as well- or was it my first time of being felt so desirable and loved by someone. Even though we weren't together in a relationship(only a friendly, slightly romantic), he's still unforgettable because he's the first guy to woo me out, the first guy to treat me this sweetly and the first guy to treat me as a lady- making me kiss "paalam" to my super childish teenage self(but im still childish though).

Good times last forever, darling. ;)