"Chiquitita"- Ateneo version

During my super depression/Hell month, I was not only striken with piles of projects, long tests and assignments but my personal life also went terrible that almost everyday i come home from school(where i use the internet most of the time) crying. Each and everyday feels like another day of misery, trying all sorts of things to divert and make myself feel good(even doing some of the most stupidest things), wishing things were back like those days being so happy together with Xurt. The first love of my life(that i just realized because of my councilor Sir Alcazar) who isn't a family or a relative ditched me because i was a super insanely jealous, insecure bitch. He then transferred his feelings for Wendy de Villar(again, wtf)and this time his feelings for her is deeper because she's not like me(of course, there's only one me in this world). I remember on my past blog post that if that day happened, i felt that i will be okay but actually it turned out that i won't be okay. It's probably because Xurt haven't triggered my romantic feelings and made me feel attached to him yet that time or i was too ignorant. Anyway, that period is the worst but thankfully, i got friends in Ateneo(and Montessori- and even Xurt himself) who are there to support me.


Manang's, Monday, September 6,2010, 9:30 AM.
A few minutes ago, Xurt and I had a very much heated arguement(nakakaiba to the highest level) about my tighfulness and agreed not
to talk to each other until Sportsfest. I was so shocked because a day before, he was still the nice, affectionate, loving and forgiving Xurt but now he turned dead cold and started to hurl my negative side on me.

Lester: Chiquitita, tell me what's wrong
You're enchained by your own sorrow...

Lychee(who noticed that my eyes are red):In your eyes there is no hope for tomorrow

Jess: How I hate to see you like this
There is no way you can deny it

Cov courts, Monday, September 6,2010, around 10:30 AM.

During fencing class, i can't focus hitting on my opponent in one fencing match. Jaime, the referee, noticed my lack of concentration.

Jaime: I can see that you're oh so sad, so quiet...

Berchmans 307, Monday, September 6,2010, 11:30 AM.

As i entered Filipino class, Anjo noticed that i don't look so happy that i am about to cry

Anjo: Chiquitita, tell me the truth
I'm a shoulder you can cry on...

Then, i remember one conversation i had with Jonathan on the phone some weeks ago.

Jonathan(on the phone): Your best friend, I'm the one you must rely on

CTC 303, Monday, September 6,2010, 1:40 PM

I came to EN 11 class sobbing quietly shortly after i saw pictures of Xurt being with Karlo, Abby, Muje, Kassel, Kash and ... Wendy(bunuhnuhnuhhh). Those photos lead me to think about Xurt's strange attitude.

JR(saw me sobbing but i told him that i have allergy or cold or some alibi coz i don't want to talk about my condition): You were always sure of yourself
Now I see you've broken a feather

Atrio(reenacting Walang Sugat): see you cry how it hurts to see you sad...

JR(putting up an "Are you sure?" face): I hope we can patch it up together

The next day, when Ateneo feels something like Tokio Hotel's "1000 Meere" music video, following a SUPER DUPER MEGA TO THE NTH POWER ONE BIG FIGHT with Xurt last night.

Red brick road, Tuesday, September 7,2010, 8:50 AM

Everyone that i pass by in school: Chiquitita, you and I know
How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving

SEC-A 124, Tuesday, September 7,2010, 9:00 AM

Mrs Ki Shan Tan(entering the classroom): You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end... (then i felt confortable with her coz she's a Hong Konger- what i was before i met Xurt again on the JS, thus diverting me from Xurt for a while)

SEC-A 224, Tuesday, September 7,2010, 12:00 PM

Sir Claveria(announcing the upcoming Long Test on thursday): You will have no time for grieving

My ES 10 classmates who are also my blockmates(Lester, Jaime, Dustin, Mel, Ebib, Kc, Anjo, Maui and Colene): Chiquitita, you and I cry...


SEC-A 124, Thursday, September 9,2010, 9:30 AM

Mrs. Ki Shan Tan gave us the results of our Midterms or a seatwork (not sure what it is but the results of it were something that enlightened me)

Mrs Ki Shan Tan: But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you

SEC-A 224, Tuesday, September 7,2010, 12:00 PM

The long test on ES 10

Whole ES 10 class: Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita

Friday, September 10, 2010

My blockmates(as they complain about the second long test of Fil 11):
Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita

The next week...

Everyone i pass by in Red Brick Road: So the walls came tumbling down

Everyone on the information commons as i look miserably at Xurt and Wendy's sweet nothings on fb: And your love's a blown out candle

Everyone as i began to sob out(me wishing all those shit that Xurt and Wendy make would stop and they should fight against each other): All is gone and it seems too hard to handle

Berchmans 307, second week of September, 11:30 AM
Sir Maky gave me the result of my first Filipino fiction paper about "Walang Sugat" which was written during the first day of my heartbreak. It got me a bloody 70 or aka a D.

Sir Maky: Chiquitita, tell me the truth...

There is no way you can deny it

I see that you're oh so sad, so quiet

As the weeks passed by and everybody began to notice how emo am i becoming...

JR(when he was telling me that he experienced this same shit): Chiquitita, you and I know...

Abby Cabrito(who was saying this as though she was part of a competitor's company and my company lost huge investments in the stock market): How the heartaches come and they go and the scars they're leaving

(Back up voices singing ".. how you are brokenhearted, etc...) are from Isagani and the actress who played Julia in Tanghalang Ateneo's "Walang Sugat")

JR(relating his experiences that it took him a month to recover): You'll be dancing once again and the pain will end

Sir Bj Patiño(after telling that we have to make an evaluation essay aside the feature essay): You will have no time for grieving

MVP entrance near Kostka, September 30, 2010, 5:30-6:00 PM

Students in MVP while watching the Mens Basketball finals: Chiquitita, you and I cry

Students in MVP while the players of the Mens basketball team joined the singing as Ateneo won Three-peat(yes, even EMINEM aka Kirk Long is included): But the sun is still in the sky and shining above you...

One afternoon, chatting with Xurt on fb about my painful condition(bad idea)

Xurt Diaz: Let me hear you sing once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita...

One Lit 13 class(It was monday, i think), Sir Francis Sollano gave out my First Fiction paper(about the "Hitch hiking Game" by Milan Kundera and my fiction paper related in one part about me and Xurt when we were still happy together) that got me a B+(gawa daw ni Xurt-lolz)

Sir Francis(winking): Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquitita

Loyola Schools Guidance Office, Thursday, October 14, 2010, 3:00 PM

Sir Alcazar: Try once more like you did before
Sing a new song, Chiquititaaaaah...

The blissful days of love

The first time when you've fell in love for someone is one feeling that seemed to be so giddy, so exciting, a bit mellow yet full of uncertainties ahead. It's the first time you have stepped on a realm that seemed to be tailor-fit in your circumstances and possibilities. Each and every day, people seemed to notice that you're more pleasurable to be with, you seemed to be more lighthearted, inspired and lovely.

After the ORSEM, i decided not to communicate much with Xurt because i felt back then that he would be a distraction with my studies and I was a bit pissed off with him(because of his stint with Wendy). I remember on my first day of classes, i began to read in Xurt's facebook wall post made by him that he has found the girl he was looking for. Obviously, based from the descriptions he made about the girl he was describing , that girl was me. He describes how the eyes of his beloved were sparkling and wonderful, how he feels so sweet, loved and special when he's with that girl, and that she was the girl he was looking for. The girl he was pertaining to couldn't be Wendy because also in the wall there are full of disses and rudeness from her. Then my speculations were confirmed when he texted me so sweetly(as sugar) after class(of first day) asking me how i am in school and he had such a very nice day because he discovered something that made him really happy. I wondered what it was he discovered, but i was a bit indifferent so i kindly told Xurt not to text me much on schooldays because im going to go busy. Inside of me, i was happy that i let go of something that will possibly distract me from my studies but sad because i will miss the daily sweet nothings i get from Xurt. But at least there are days that we call as "Weekends" and ever since then, my weekends aren't complete without communicating with him.

Even though he was so sweet and affectionate with me, i was still a bit upset, cynical and distrustful with him. But soon, i found myself taking for granted his downpour of affection and his constant remindings that i am the sweetest girl he had ever met, the person whom he's dedicating his life to...