Thank God, it's only a dream...

Last night, i drifted off into dreamland after for what it seemed like two hours of restless fidgeting in bed. In my dream last night, it began when i was in our kitchen with ate Ash, yaya and Robbie. Ate Ash was mad at Robbie for eating her proven(Chicken strips) from kuya Karlo in the fridge, then yaya was in the corner laughing when i left. When i left the kitchen and opened the door of my room, i was surprised because when i entered, i was in a church filled with some people and my clothes changed. Before i entered the door of my room, i was wearing my Ateneo tshirt, skinny jeans and my Ed Hardy shoes. When i entered, i was wearing a dress that is akin to what Kassel wore on the JS but it's all white, some expensive jewelry and heels. And whaddayou know, i got a long, white veil stuck on my head, a bouquet on my hand and a diamond ring on my finger... I am about to get married, or am i married already?? And with whom i am married with?? o.0
I turned my head and i saw Xurt wearing his glasses and all dressed up. He held my hands sweetly and grinned at me as we walked to the door. "Xurt, talagang kasal na ako?? Sa'yo nga ba ako kasal??" I asked him, he gave me a sort "Oo-kasal-na-nga-tayo-darling-duh" look. I was a so happy that im finally married to my crush until some grieving thoughts came to my head... Oh my gosh, Xurt na lagi ang kasama ko until ma tsugi ako, i will never be able to do everything i wanted to do on my own, i can't study(in Ateneo) anymore(coz dad will never support me since im married), i can't travel alone, i can't enjoy being with my best friends Jonathan, Mark, Marlon and Gt often, i can't go to my favorite places on my own, i can't do things for myself only, i can't visit my Chinese relatives on my own(If you're a Chinese woman, you should tag your hubby along on family reunions- unlike guys coz for them it's unnecessary to introduce their wives to their family coz she's already part of his family), i can't go around on adventures like Tintin, i can't dress up like Bill, i can't do my boyish quirks anymore, i have to act more mature, i have to spend my money not only for myself but for others, i have to take care of Xurt, im gonna have 2-3 kids(and take care of them, of course) and ....

... And then i woke up.

Call me selfish but i think i'll find it really hard to commit to someone. I don't think i'll ever get married. If i do, then i'll be about late 20s-early 30s. It must be because there's a hell lot of things in my life that makes commitment difficult for me- unless if my would-be husband is trusting enough, can take care of himself and the kids even without me(what i learned from mom), has a (more or less) same sense of style and as mischievous as i am. Of course, you can't go around the world and do boyish mischief when you're married. When you're married, you must settle down with your spouse, work hard and raise kids together. If i married Xurt(who is wooing me-lol), i think he wants to have kids right away because of his family problems, his sense of style is plain(he said he doesn't want someone with style too extravagant- prolly dyed hair, unusual clothes, piercing and tats) and he looks more mature than i so that's why i have to be more mature.
I may not want to marry(whether Xurt or someone else) but who knows one day i might want to give up my shenanigans and mischief and settle down to a more quiet life with my hubby and kids.