... no, im not going to talk or even rant about Xurt or Wendy any more. I mean they're totally out of my life. Even though the two most irritating, distracting and demented people in my life aside from dad are gone, i still find myself as demented, depressed and fucked up as i were during those times i was broken hearted. I know im not broken hearted since i don't have major problems so far with my crush, and main (unrequited) love interest, Paco, aside from finding time ask to hang out together to break the awkwardness. Even though i failed two subjects in one sem, i know i did my best to learn and perform as much as i could and at least i what matters is i learn and it strives for me to do better...
The most ultimate BVness of all, the cause of all my headaches, lack of peace in life, lack of reliance of thought and full of complications and distractions, is my sister.
Ever since she got over with crying about her ex-boyfriend, Karlo, her temper on the people she could control and lead- yaya and i- escalated in heights never reached before. Not a day with her would be complete without hearing a good scolding or reproof, no matter how huge or small our mistakes and sins were. Of course, lying about Xurt is a huge complicated mish-mash of sins which i regret committing against her and our family, but worried about the inactive Paco sim hanging out with a vampire sim will turn him into a vampire= jealousy??? C'mon!!! Is that even worth being rebuked about for being selosa? If she wants to reprimand me for being "selosa" she should've done it last year pa- when i went bananas over Kaye Macalalad or Wendy- at least that probably will save my relationship with Xurt even as friends. With my present love life, I don't even picture myself fully that i am in a dating relationship with real life Paco and i even feel a bit sad for Paco or Marc every time i saw one of them walking without the other.Even on facebook, i am not spared from being reprimanded by her. Just a moment ago, she replied to my post that Wang Lee Hom is annoying me in the vid. She told me that if im annoyed with it, i shouldn't watch it anymore and i am machochistic(maling spelling ko). Pati ba naman facebook ay papatulan nya ang mga katangahan ko??!!! God, i was just reposting my joke about Wang Lee Hom's vid and this is how i get from retelling an inside joke?? :|
It drives me into insanity than the sanity she intended for me.
And she always have to rely in many small things from me, small things that she could easily do without me. If i should be the one who always bring the keys of our condo, she shouldn't be complacent about bringing her own keys too just in case i lost or left it in Laguna. Emergencies are inevitable and we will never know when they will happen. She never also fails to make me feel bad with statements(direct or indirect) that i am selfish and i think of myself more than i think of her and other people in our family. And i really dislike the way she often had a hard time looking for her stuff like cigarettes or medications, and she would make yaya and i frantic into looking for them in her bag, room or whole condo.
I know she does a lot of things, even more than a sister could do, for me. Dissing her out like this is ungrateful and wrong. Plus, when she doesn't rebuke me out, she's okay and even really fun and nice to be with. And the reason why she is upbraiding me is because there are no longer anyone in a sound mind possible who would do so for me. My dad has a twisted sense of logic and maturity with loads of self bias which led me to countless useless suffering and regret, ate Gie had a family of her own and she has a kind of destructive and narrow tinge in her advices, yaya is too immature and is even a bad influence for me, Ahma almost has the same twisted sense of logic and maturity as my dad. But due to her super neurotic and perfectionist nature, even the smallest mistakes i get to be berated most of the time. All these years of growing up, countless of people-especially my mom- tell me that being berated is a really good thing, no matter how bad you will feel, since it shows the person who berates you cares about you. But like just about every good thing on earth, being berated too much is also a bad thing. Pyschologically speaking, when you berate, usually it is a punishment for the person you are berating to. It discourages someone into doing something. No one enjoys being scolded, and especially getting into the painful and humiliating process on a daily basis. But i have to understand her no matter how much it is demeaning and stupid.
Here's to a happy thanksgiving day to everyone, especially to ate ash!!! :)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment