The long, lost friend... and lover. (Part 1)

"I find it hard to believe that someone up there is waiting with arms open wide and smiling..."
- Eraserheads

Xurt Diaz. My crush who is the total opposite of Bill Kaulitz- di mukhang bakla, younger than i, doesn't have an awesome wardrobe, lanky but at least he got a crush on me as well, if he isn't really courting me(but he looks like he's courting me). He is some third year guy whom i just met again recently on our JS Prom. Tall, attractive but shy, that's what he is when i saw him on the JS while most of his classmates were mingling around the super Sulyap.
Actually, i first met him two years ago in the sports fest in Lipa. While i was frolicking around the Granja of Lipa, i came across GT hanging around with some guys(i thought they were his boyfriends). GT smiled at me and introduced to me the two guys he was with. From the names of the two guys- Tail(or Dale) and Exert(or Xurt)- they seemed to be two rather innocent first year boys whom i find really interesting to hang out with. I hanged out a bit with them and i never saw them again after that.

I remember clearly i begged Gt for Dale and Xurt's cellphone numbers.

...Ironic, isn't it?

Gt told me that he'll give me their numbers, but he never did. I don't know if that was a good thing to happen or not. It might be a good thing if Xurt was as mad about love as he is back then. It might be a bad thing because if Xurt and i were friends two years ago, he would have treated me differently right now.

A year later, i went off in Talisay and looked for my two guy pals from Lipa. Unfortunately, dad was mad at me for some weird reason so that's why i've been in Talisay for a few hours only(and saying in my mind "I will make up for this next year in Lucena") .
Then, in Lucena, i went off to find my two Lipa friends, but when i came to see the Lipa crew there, i lost hope and thought they probably forgot about me and i don't remember what they look like anymore. So instead of finding my two Lipa friends, i found no one but my "Kambal sa uma"(aka the Lucena alumna girl who looked a lot like me). I decided to forget about them and move on.

The months passed by and it was February. Back then, i was having the time of my life, being surrounded by my best buds, having the best classmates and teachers to goof out and during that time i feel like im contented with what i have in life. Like Tintin, i have no official lovelife whatsoever. If i have a lovelife to speak of during that time, then it would be Bill Kaulitz. Sadly, during that time, i was so pissed off with Bill coz his new style is so different and bad. I noticed him ditch his Christian Audigier tshirts and Adidas sneaks for (girly when he wears it)Dsquared shirts and high heeled Rick Owens boots. I felt lonely because i lost a style icon and worse of all, after two years of fawning after Bill, he became a vegetarian and a Twilight fan.

So there i was, on the last week of february, trying to accept the fact that Bill is no longer the person i really loved and looked up to for inspiration. Bill is constantly bugging my mind that i wanted to get rid of him, even just one moment. Then, that one moment i was wishing suddenly came.

My second(and probably last) JS prom is fast approaching, but i was much more excited about the upcoming JGSOM open house in Ateneo, which is the morning after the JS. My JS last year was really fun because i danced a lot(i mean a HELL LOT) and i was like partying like in 1699, so it doesn't matter to me whether my last JS will turn up good or bad. It doesn't matter to me also if i take all the dance practices, picking the dance partner and such all seriously(except for looking for a dress to wear since i never wore my dream JS gown-a black dress- last JS). I remember that i was reluctant at first to attend the general rehearsal with the Lipaers the morning of JS day, but then i attended(to avoid sir Cris' wrath) and that was the first time i saw my long lost friend again...

Ah, eto pala si Xurt... I thought as my eyes fell on Elyzza's extra partner wearing green(in case Kevin will not make it coz Kevin's pretty unpredictable) from Lipa. During the practice, nothing unusual happened, although when i got on the jeep with Gt and smiled at Angelou as we departed, Xurt smiled back at me-thinking that i smiled at him(feeling nya sya-or kasing ganda nya- si Angelulu).

Then the big night came, i arrived just in time for the JS to start. My JS was going a bit well, the food was great, admiring each others' dresses and all those things. After dancing with Asriel, i went on to my partner Paolo Alcance to dance with me, but Paolo was too occupied with his itouch, so i just thought of asking out some guy from Lipa, then i recalled Xurt...

He was sitting somewhere with his friends Karlo and CJ when i asked him out. He was surprised and he got up. For me, dancing with guys is nothing special. But for Xurt, it's the opposite. As we danced to a slow song, we talked about ourselves- age, being a fourth year and such. At first, i haven't noticed him falling for me, parang wala lang. I just noticed when i often catch him looking at me, grinning at me, following me around(except in the bathroom), talking in a hushed tone and glancing at me with either Karlo or Cj and when i won "Most elegant lady" (i heard Cj whisper at Xurt, "Oh, pareho na din kayo...")

After the JS ended, he asked for a picture with me and my number- which i both gave. I shook his hand and bid farewell. As i got into bed that night, i just thought that it's better to forget Xurt because i'll be leaving Montessori in a month, at least i met the friend i was looking for a long time.

The next day, before the simulated IT class of Prof Alyson Yap started, i received a mysterious text message from an unknown number. I was horrified when i read the message because the messenger called me "his darling". I figured out it was from Xurt because the guy who sent the message was babbling about last night's dance and before i left the JSlast night, Xurt promised me that he'll text me in the morning. So i went pale and everyone around me seemed to have frozen as if a giant ice-shroom was planted on the courtyard of the JGSOM or Hermione Granger conjured an "Immobilus" spell and froze everything drastically, especially my brains. I found it hard to concentrate in sir Alyson's rather interesting class(he was talking about Microsoft Excel and he said that you can make games like Hangman or Battleships-the one Lazlo Carreidas and Captain Haddock played in Flight 714- using that boring Microsoft office application). Then he texted me again after the JGSOM open house, he told me sorry for the late reply(since i texted him after Alyson Yap's class) and he should have danced with me. He kept on blaming himself for that mistake. he told me that he hoped that we can dance again. I never got to reply back to him until about 3 PM, since i was too petrified with him calling me darling. It was the first time i was considered"Darling" by a guy(coz it's usually my mom or some gay people who call me that). I told him that i can be his partner again next year if he wants. He told me that i was the kindest and the most confident of all the peeps in the main branch. My confidence level was the opposite of his. He wished that he danced with me more. And here's a more shocking thing he told me, he caught the weakness of his heart... Okay, so it's also the first time i caught the weakness of someone's heart. o.0

Then his texts went from shocking to nagging. He asked me if i got a boyfriend already(he said that him asking that proves that he likes me). He then told me that he never been in a relationship and nakakatuwa daw ako talaga. I remember i was really annoyed and rather shocked because no one ever spoke to me like that before. He was like a Bianca Castafiore showering annoying sweet affection to Captain Haddock.
But he does not intend to start a relationship with me(much to my relief),He just don't feel he is responsible enough. Then he told me that he likes me, he likes my first impression, but at that time he's not yet sure of my personality. I was really nice, he said. He even noted that the wallpaper of his cellphone is our picture. Basta, he likes me, hangang dun na lang daw.He warned me that he's not a biting some sort of burden. Then i told him that i was shocked, so he said he was sorry for being too fast. I told him i wasn't surprised at all that he likes me coz there's a lot of evidence that he likes me. He told me that i was his type(because of my attitude), nakakatuwa raw ako, i was the first one from San Pablo who smiled at him, and he's gonna make our picture his primary photo on facebook. I snapped at him that i don't want a boyfriend because i love the single life i am living in and of course im easily distracted, but i thanked him for liking me because no one ever liked me the way he did. Well, he was so caring and super concerned to me. He likes my attitude, personality, appearance but not me as a whole because he does not completely know me, but he added that i am caring and kind that's why he doesn't want to hurt such a person like me. I asked him why he doesn't want to dance with me when the next song(basta di mellow na kanta yun), he told me he prefers mellow coz it's relaxing. I asked him what if i can't make it to his JS next year. He told me that he'll be sad and ask someone else to dance with him. He'll be sad since there will be no one who will ask him to dance the way i did. I told him that i enjoyed dancing with him and he was flattered. He wished that maulit yun muli pero mas matagal.

The next day, we talked about what kind of best friends and buddies do we have in school. I told him that i have the best set of best friends one can ask for- Jonathan, Mark and Marlon and also Gt. Jonathan, Mark, Marlon and I love to do some mischief, have fun and talk about things like Harry Potter, Tintin, Tokio Hotel, sir Manto and our personal lives. Xurt likes to hang out with those who are flexible(di daw maarte), makulit kausap, mejo mahinhin at magalang(a bit meek and polite) and sweet kausap, like me. Then i told him that he was already my friend, a long lost friend. He was baffled and asked me why he was my long lost friend while in fact he first met me on the JS. I told him that i met him and Dale last 2007 when the school's Sportsfest was held. They were hanging around with Gt when i met them both. As i walked into the Granja, enjoying the fresh air and the constantly cloudy Lipa skies, i stopped when i saw Gt, who was hanging around with two guys(whom i assumed were Gt's new papables because he seemed to get a bit too tired with Julien's company). Then the rest is history. But Xurt sadly told me he never recalled meeting me before. As for Dale, he later told me that he still remember meeting me on the sportsfest with Gt and Xurt- good for him. The only things Xurt remembers from the sportsfest were that they won first place in the cheering, they had a very mean dance instructor called sir Darwin, Gt and Ate Kim and he gave ate Kim a jigglypuff doll(awww... that was sweet). I told him that i went looking for him after meeting him. He asked me why the hell i went looking for him, anong meron daw sa kanya nun? Basta nung JS daway panibagong kaibigan ako para sa kanya. Nabigla talaga sya sa akin kasi first time na may nagtanong sa kanya na girl. He was so glad when we danced because it was his first time and the girl he danced with was very sweet. He couldnt really recall the sportsfest when i first met him. Then he asked me to tell Wendy he's not strict, hehehehehehehehehehe(include the laugh). and that we(him and cj) did not asked her out to dance because maybe she'll ignore them, making them embarrased in front of a lot of people. Little did i know Xurt has some skeletons in his closet, if i figured out what was it at that time, i wouldn't be hurt(and i might be a hell lot happy for myself).

Then the days went on and he constantly greeted me good mornings, some sweet nothings and good nights. I clearly remember when Xurt texted Gt and asked him to say hi to me for him, which made my classmates swoon and jeer at me for having an admirer at last. Phoebe and Rizelle's nagging me to answer Xurt(ano to?? proposal para magpakasal?? o.0), Julien's telling Dean that he got in his cellphone yung sex video daw namin(wtf??), and when i was massaging my pet horse Kevin, Julien told me that Derek will get jealous if he founds out(I was like sino si Derek before Julien realized his mistake and that the guy he was talking about is Xurt- Derek pala ang pangalan ni Xurt sa France). I could also remember one certain lunchtime, i was in the middle of a deep dicussion about Tintin with Jonathan and Mark when suddenly Xurt texted me (Hello po, nakakain na po ba kayo??:) or something like that) . I showed the text message to my homies and Jonathan said "Oh dear..."(while i went on "Oh my..."). Then i sighed and told them that Xurt's a bit like Castafiore if i am Captain Haddock. Then Jonathan asked me what if Xurt became the president of the Philippines and the first thing he did as president is to have Bill Kaulitz killed(patay, wala nang kakanta ng "through the monsoon" or "world behind my wall"), me captured and marry me?? I told them i would escape to China and get Chinese citizenship(good luck sa paghahanap sa akin dun, sige halukayin nyo ang buong Xiamen at wala kayong makikita doon na Irish Domingo. Nandun lang ako as Wong Chuk Chak Cheneses at di nyo yun alam kasi di kayo marunong mag salita ng Cantonese- in your face!!!). Then they told me that what if he had my Chinese citizenship revoked and he had me deported back to the Philippines, i told them i would fly off to Tibet(i was talking about Tintin a while ago) and hang out with the Yeti-a reference to Chang Chong Chen. Then Jonathan asked me what if they found me in Tibet and had the Yeti killed as well? I told them, i'll fly off to Borduria, then what if they found me in Borduria, and so and so forth (i remember i told them i would go to Slydavia, then Belgium, then Sweden, then San Teodoros, then France, then Italy, then Pulau Bompa-Bompa islands, then Iran, then Iraq, then Israel, then Hogwarts, then Leaky Cauldron, then the Tsing Ma bridge, then Munich, then Moscow, then St. Petersburg, then Berlin, then i dunno) until they told me the best way to stay away from Xurt is to join Tokio Hotel. I asked them why and they both said, without batting an eyelash, "basta..."
I guess the reason why is that because Xurt had Bill(or Gustav because he got glasses and Xurt knows i find guys with glasses hot and poor Gusti's assassins might mistook him for Bill) killed in the first place. Of course, as the one who killed the beloved Tokio Hotel member, Tom, Georg and Gustav(or Bill if Gustav was the one who was killed) might want to kill him off in case he gets near them. Then i would replace the dead member. If Bill wasn't the one who was killed, i might be luckier.

There is also one point when Xurt and i talked about IJMCP Lipa not having a lot of female students. Xurt then told me that there are some third year(and a fourth year) girls from IJMCP San Pablo being linked with third year Lipa guys. He advised me that when someone teases me about him, i should reply back with "Ingit ka lang, gumaya ka na lang sa amin"(You're just jealous, why can't you imitate us instead?). Then he asked if it's true that im Chinese(no wonder im so fair-skinned), and i told him yes(Chinese, Filipino and Spanish). I asked him what he is, he told me that i was 3 in one and he was pure pinoy(Hua-na). Then after some kamustas, he told me about Karlo Matira, his best friend. He told me that masarap kasama ang mga best friends nya like Geelo, CJ, Dale and Karlo. They don't have any close gal pals. He wished that im with them. In my thoughts, i wonder what life will be like if i spent my highschool years instead in Montessori Lipa. Most probably, im friends with them or with Angelou. I asked him how did he know the fact i was Chinese and i looked for him in Talisay and Lucena. He revealed that those information came from Abby Cabrito. She often asks him if he got a crush on me and if he was courting me. He said no. Then he told me that all the third year girls of San Pablo were very crazy and he wished that there are girls like them in Lipa.

Then some days later, we were talking about his preferences in a girl because sir Leinard Lacdao(the fourth year adviser whom im a bit close with last retreat because he's close with Angelou, my roomate-lol) dissed me out in his class. Xurt wants a girl who is medyo makulit, hindi yung maarte. He furiously said that that gay(sir Leinard) is just jealous because he spoke so frankly in class that i am so boyish. I was a bit shocked because sir Leinard was so kind with me last retreat and he would talk like that about me behind my back(in my mind, the word "Turncoat" frustratingly echoed). For him, ok na ok ako, bongang bonga. Then after talking about my best friends Jonathan, Mark and Malon, Xurt warned me to steer clear from them because they might do or think something bad to me as if he knew my three best friends so well. If he was pertaining to NR that is okay, but stay away from Jonathan, Mark and Marlon- my three prudish best buds who deliberately refuse to talk about anything malicious or sexual- is something out of the question. And he also said that if he was one of them, magpapaporma sya sa akin...
I was like "...WTF?? Grabe, gago yata 'tong Xurt na to." He had simply gone too far that he offended, shocked and hurt me a lot. So out of shock and annoyance, i stopped texting him.

It went on for days without texting him, but all of a sudden, i felt so strange. There isn't anyone who greet me sweetly with good mornings, good nights, who asks me if i've eaten already, in short someone who cared a lot for me. During that point, dad begins to go out of the house at night and go home really, really late and he begins to be more irritable. I felt a kind of terrible guilt because i just stopped texting him without him knowing the reason why, especially after i dissed him out and told what he told me to Jonathan, Mark and Marlon. Of course, they were all pissed off with him and they told me not to talk that much with him anymore. To them, Xurt sounded so mayabang and prolly maangas(which i don't like). Then out of the blue, i texted him after the exams ended. I told him why i never texted him for a long time and we were pissed off with what he told me about my best friends. Then he replied back so quick to me, he said sorry about giving that kind of advice to me, he didn't mean to hurt me or my friends. He has been a victim of a case and he doesn't want me to be a victim too. He always tend to give tips to his friends. Then i told him that i understood and i also told him about his infamous line "magpapaporma sya sa akin...", he explained that he wants to show me that he's a decent person so that i'll come to think of him as a kind person and be friends with him for a long time. Not like the others who are like adiks.

Then out of a sudden, he went on ranting about himself, his family and how stupid his life is. He's so angry at himself for being nagmamagaling sa mga kakilala nya, maigi nalang daw na manahimik nalang daw sya, or maybe because San Pablo people's way of thinking is different from Lipa-ers. He shouldn't have talked sarcastically to us. And from there, i felt so sorry that i told him that i forgiven him already. Then he went on saying that he doesn't deserve to be forgiven, his mistake is that he always talk to people and act as a good help in giving tips. He guess he must stop it, he didn't mean to make me think something that i didn't want him to. To be honest, life's unfair to him. He then told me that i got a nice dad(...nice?? o.0) who i could hang out with, and i got a very nice set of loving friends. He has a dad, too (of course, everyone got a dad). But he's the opposite of the usual dads, he treats him cruelly as if he was a maid. His mom always hangs out with her old friends so he couldn't speak to her that much. His only shoulder to lean are his friends, he gives them what he cannot give to his parents. He said that "...if you were in my situation, maybe you can't take it anymore and just run away from home. That's a part of my stupid life..."

For the first time ever, i felt so terribly sorry and ashamed at myself for misunderstanding someone who look up to me as if i was as awesome and desirable as Bill Kaulitz. I heard from kuya Al(the guy who "cleans" Montessori) that Xurt came from a well-to-do family. His dad was a professor/school director in AMA Lipa and his mum is a businesswoman who knows how to speak in Japanese. I was a bit impressed and i thought Xurt lives a happier life than i do but i was wrong. I went to ask for his forgiveness but he said that i shouldn't ask forgiveness, he should be the one(ah okaaay...). Behind his big smiles are lots of tears dripping from his eyes. Many people might think of him as a happy person, but actually he only smile to release the pain inside him, iba talaga kapag hindi pa natin kilala ang isang tao...

So, i explained to him that i accept him because of what he is right now, not from his background. He admits that im right and he really does felt neglected by his family. Sometimes he wonders what would his family live and do without him, leading him to think of running away-which he wouldn't do. Then i told him that everything's gonna be okay since he got friends like me by his side.