The Isagani of Montessori

Isagani of Jose Rizal's political novel, El Filibusterismo, was a sensitive and patriotic poet whose impulsive action to save his love, Paulita Gomez, had him unintentionally sabotaging Simoun's plan to blow up Paulita's wedding place- thus, totally destroying a step to free Philippines from the cruel Spaniards. Isagani studied in Ateneo de Manila and he is best of friends with fellow Atenista (or as some say Tomasino) Basilio.

I got to know who Isagani was when Ate Ash told me the story of El Filibusterismo when i was in Grade 5. After hearing that Isagani messed Simoun's whole grand masterly plan up, i was so pissed up with him. It's also likely from Isagani where i first heard of Ateneo de Manila- the school im probably going to next school year. It's also worth noting that one point when i was in grade 6, my English teacher, Teacher Hailey Ferrer, told my class that her hubby(and my first physics teacher in Cahbriba), T.Jeric E. Ferrer, was descended from someone surnamed Egasani- Jose Rizal's old playmate whom Rizal probably named Isagani after.

For years, i looked at Isagani with contempt. I always thought of him as someone who's as crazy as Sisa( no wonder Isagani and Basilio are best of friends), especially when i was in fourth year highschool, when we were already discussing the chapter where Isagani was so emo about Paulita marrying off Juanito Pelaez. I felt so bad that i wished i was Isagani, so things would be much different from what happened in the story. According to my answer on my (last) final exam in Filipino, if i were Isagani, i took Basilio's advice, go far away with him and let Paulita die a terrible death with Juanito. The reason why i answered that, because Paulita broke Isagani's heart and she deserved to be blown up. I strongly believe in karma and in Justin Timberlake's song "What goes around, comes around."
I remember clearly as well that i asked T.Anna(my Filipino teacher) why Isagani can't let go of Paulita even if she dumped him. She looked at me with a smile and said, "Kasi Irish, may mga tao rin na di kayang maka let-go ng minamahal nila kahit sinaktan na nila sila. Ganun talaga pag love."("Because Irish, there are also people who can't let go of whom they love even if they're rejected. That's love anyway." in Filipino)

I never knew back then that i too, will end up slightly like Isagani- someone who was believed to be crazy, while in fact, just misunderstood because of a broken heart.

As my Montessori days drew to a close, i thought of packing up all my things from my besmirched locker and taking them home. As i ransacked all of my books, piles of quizzes, scitechs, blunt pencils and oil pastels, i came across my copy of El Filibusterismo, a book which gave me lots of laugh from the past and a sense of relation later on. I flipped across the pages- and singing "Insomia" whenever Macaraig is mentioned along the way-, until i landed on "Chapter 24- Mga Pangarap"(or "the aspirations of Isagani")

In this chapter, Isagani went to Malecon to meet up with his gf Paulita Gomez. Last night, he saw Paulita sweetly with his friend, Juanito Pelaez, in a French play, Les Cloches de Corneville. Out of shock, Isagani was petrified for the whole night.
That certain thursday was a cold, dark one for Isagani. Everything around him seemed depressing, all the people walking around seemed to be full of themselves and the children playing on the streets annoyed him. He recalls all the good times he had with Paulita and remembering them hurts him so. His pain was so severe that he wished that he would rather be killed by Germans than experience the heart ache he is having now.
Then, he met Paulita with Juanito and Donya Victorina. He told Paulita that he was upset upon seeing her with Juanito in the French play last night but Paulita told Isagani that she was upset too upon seeing him staring keenly at the French actresses(in fact, Isagani went blank because of her). Then Donya Victorina butts in and asks Isagani about Juanito.
Isagani was confused why Donya Victorina would ask about Juanito. He really want to tell Paulita and Donya Victorina all the evilness of Juanito, but out of courtesy, he just praised Juanito and told them that he's a good guy.
Then Isagani asked Paulita why her "ali" is asking him about Juanito. Paulita told him because she wanted to divorce Don Tiburcio de Espadana and marry Juanito. Tiburcio was hiding in Isagani's uncle's home somewhere very far from Manila. The two had a laugh about it.
Then Isagani told Paulita about his dreams and aspirations. He dreamt of marrying her and the two living together in his serene, peaceful province(aka where Isagani's uncle and Tiburcio Magnantuta lives) but for the super-pampered and spoiled Paulita, Isagani's idyllic paradise is a horrible hell full of creepy leeches.

Then after that, Dona Victorina called Paulita to go home. Surprisingly, she also invited Isagani for a ride with them, a ride that Isagani will surely remember. Beside Paulita, Isagani could feel the tingeling sensation of her soft, sweet smelling skin. Riding along the streets of Manila beside his lady fair made him think he was in heaven.

Some chapters later, Isagani was rejected by Paulita because of his liberal ideas(and his Amish paradise) and she married Juanito Pelaez instead. From then on, Isagani was hearbroken and dejected.

The reason why Chapter 24 had a huge impact in me is that because all of what Isagani felt in that chapter i felt as well, and something like this happened to me.
Chapter 24 sort of mirrors one texting galore of me and Xurt. The day before my camping, Xurt told me things about Wendy- which made me curious and a bit jealous. Then he confided in me that he has a huge crush on Wendy(much to my dismay since im developing some feelings for him) but CJ Recto also had a huge crush on Wendy as well. See? It's like an Isagani(me)- Paulita(Xurt)-Juanito(Wendy)- Dona Victorina (CJ) love square- it's not a triangle since there are four sides.
And Isagani's end also happened to me. Some days later, Xurt told me that he is in love with Wendy- a really huge blow in my heart(i thought Bill will be the next to break my heart after Keith). I was rejected the way Paulita rejected Isagani.

My similarities with Isagani are not only our school, kind of best friend, kind of guardian but our own love lives as well.

It's funny to hear that im comparing my love life to scenes from a deep, dark, political novel mainly about Spanish oppression in 19th century Philippines. But all of what i felt right now matches the mood, the disposition and most of all, the feelings of a certain character from the story. As my heart tear into pieces whenever i heard of Xurt and/or Wendy, so does Isagani whenever he saw Paulita being with Juanito. And with El Filibusterismo, i found someone whom i share the same situation and found a sense of relation with him.
Although i can strongly stress out that i don't feel true love in Xurt, my (puppy) love for him hurts me so. I wish when i hit my college days, i will no longer be hurt about him and move on with life. I hope i will never stare for endless hours on Xurt's text messages when i should be staring at the pages of my books, business plans, poems or essays. Isagani's case is more or less worse because his love for Paulita is true but he was lucky because text messaging aren't the in-thing back then-lol. After Paulita's wedding, Isagani went back to his uncle, uncle Fr. Florentino, in the somewhere-near-the-sea place, where he will never get to talk to or see Paulita again. Now that he's away from Paulita, it may be easier for him to forget about her.

Unlucky that i am still bound to reply if Xurt still texts me in Ateneo, there's still a good ray of luck in me. If i still get to hear from Xurt by that time, one day i'll hear him happily tell me that he's with Wendy. If that slightly inevitable day will come, i will invite my Chinese friends over to Crisostomo's resto in Eastwood to celebrate the "in-a-relationship status" of a hua-na(or whatever it is that us Fujianese-Filipinos call a Filipino) who once had a crush on me and i got a crush on once as well. In Crisostomo's, i will order Sisig Isagani, Bistek ni Pelaez and something concerning Paulita Gomez. Like in the Chapter "Tawanan at iyakan" where Isagani and his peeps jokingly dedicated some food to don Custodio and the friars, i will dedicate the Bistek ni Pelaez to Wendy, the something about Paulita to Xurt and Sisig ni Isagani to my besmirched lovelife and my freedom from Xurt. If im still heartbroken about Xurt by that time, then i should seriously take my best friend Jonathan's advice, "If you wanted to get away from Xurt, join Tokio Hotel".