Running through the monsoon without Bill

What would you feel if the guy whom you are dying to meet since you were 13 is not the guy whom you used to look up to and admire from afar?
I would feel really bad of course, if that happens to me. Actually, that situation could probably happen this year and unfortunately, my favorite singer/ crush/ style icon Bill Kaulitz, is no longer the visual kei hair-donning German singer whom i used to love because his sense of style mirrors mine. Instead, he became a different person and i don't like the way he changed.

Late last year, Bill told VJ Chino of MYX that Tokio Hotel plans to perform in the Philippines this 2010. By then his style was a bit okay(look at "World behind my wall" vid) but he was already different from the Bill i used to love when i was 13 up to 15. Okay, he might be beginning to change shockingly when i was 15, but all those changes are still tolerable and little compared to the rate he has now. Back then when i was 14, he used to loathe eating veggies and that was one of the many reasons why i like him. Now look at him, so skinny as a stick and he's now a vegetarian. The reason why that ostrogoth as well as his kambal sa uma and Georg became exclusive veggie eaters, i don't know. After that, Bill began to change so differently that i don't recognize him, especially Bill Kaulitz my fashion icon. I can't believe Bill ditched his already awesome tshirts, neat leather jackets, diesel pants and adidas sneaks for some outrageously flamboyant clothes like Dsquared outfits and Rick Owen high heels. Then he ditched his super cool visual kei hairstyle for a sucky hairstyle ala Colonel Sponz. Bill thinks his style became more masculine than before but i say no because he's wrong. I shout "Niet, niet" over and over on his statement because more people mistook him as a gay in his new style than before. He's a really dumb dumbass. He thinks that he's the coolest rockstar ever with his very gay new style, but nooooooo... he looks grotesque and revolting that i regret lusting after him. If i see him like that when he sings here in the Philippines, i will throw a thick business book at him, pour acid on his ugly face or tell him that his crush Edward Cullen will never date him because he's got himself an ugly, colonel Sponz hairstyle.

Why can't Bill be like other rockstars instead? Why does he have to be different from Billie Joe Armstrong, Yael Yuzon or even Gerard Way? Why does he have to wear such extravagant and flamboyant clothes even if he just walk around the streets? Why do Tokio Hotel have to have a really strange concert presence and sing emo songs?
Im so disappointed, he thinks he is so cool while in fact, he isn't. If he goes on like this, someday he'll have an infliction on his stomach, body mass, lungs, heart, blood pressure, nervous system or his whole integumentary system.

It makes me so sad that i broke down into tears every time i think about him. Maybe the reason why he looks so revolting for me is that, maybe, in my conscience's opinion, it's because God is punishing me for lusting after that guy. I abuse my admiration for Bill so much that it made God dismayed. He made Bill change like that so He would show me how dismayed he was with me. What i may be doing may be a natural thing for teenagers like me, but maybe im taking it too far that it's hurting Him. Maybe if i lessen(or stop a bit if possible), Bill will get better. Maybe when he get better, i'll see the wonderful, meat-eating, childish Bill i used to adore. If not, then i have to accept it(seriously) and move on.
So i hope when Tokio Hotel goes here in the Philippines, Bill wears his hair nice and long while in a awesome looking Dsquared tshirt, skinny jeans and black boots or sneaks. No Colonel Sponz hairstyle, huge feather-whatever or leather pants business. Or else i will make the hullabaloos from Plants vs. Zombies spit on him until he falls like the Dancing Zombie(or aka Michael Jackson).