Paco- You are a song of my (Atenean) life

German classmate. Constant seat work partner. Nuisance. Friend. Close friend. Cold friend. Crush. Distant friend.

Paco Halili used to be one of my closest Atenean friends, but not close enough to be a considered as best friend. Yet strangely though, even if we've just been really good friends for more than a month, i've opened up a lot of things to him that not even JR Calderon or Jasmin Asi, my English block and block confidantes, knew about.

I've been struggling with his coldness and apathy for a very long time. Even friends with whom i never been so close with treated me better. HE TREATS ME AS IF I WAS JUST ONLY HIS GERMAN CLASSMATE WHOM HE RARELY TALKED TO, AS IF I JUST SO HAPPENED TO BE HIS GERMAN CLASSMATE AND NEVER EVEN BECAME WORKMATES IN A SEATWORK.

Now i wonder whether if Paco really did became my close friend and almost a lover? Or was it all just a trick of my mind or an act of God to punish and teach me a lesson by giving me a kinda unrelated but longer term effect from sneaking out of Katipunan some months back?







If everything about who Paco is in my life could be summed up in one song, it would be "Ni shi wo xin nei de yi shou ge" by Wang Lee Hom (feat. Selina Jen)















That song seemed to be a happy one, but the truth is, it's a really sad song, if it was fitted into my own context. To prove that this song really sums up my relationship with Paco, i will have to make an analysis about what contains in the song piece by piece and find the meaning of it all. Keep in mind that the song's persona is me due to the situation i have with Paco.

Since this is a song in which the language is not something i am familiar with, it's better to start first with analyzing the melody of the song. It's easier to explain the language in which anyone could interpret and know the meaning right away rather than language in which only some people understand. The sweet, innocent melody explains the emotional state i have for my classmate. The Chinese side of the song clearly puts emphasis on how different i am with him in terms of interests and habitus, therefore emphasizing how incompatible i could possibly be with him and how huge also is the possibility of unrequited feelings. This certain song is shorter than other contemporary pop songs since it's only about 2 and a half minutes long.The shortness of the song means that this feeling is short and it is bound to end. I also read somewhere on the internet that this song is only a cover of an old Hokkien song, whose artist's name is lost in history, that's how taken for granted the original song was to the point you aren't really sure of who sang that song, what happened or the exact meaning and context of the song, as much as i am unsure how on earth did Paco actually all of a sudden drifted away from me.
According to one of my close friends, it really puts how the song sounds in perspective with my situation,- it's not just the average sweet song that way, but it is also a mixed bag of emotions. It is not only sweet but also having a tinge of longing, hopelessness and finally acceptance. Another interesting thing to point out is that in the album where it came from, the song before it tells how music can be a safe refuge for everyone from the craziness of this world, from all the craziness and hard acceptance of Paco's treatment, music eventually became the one which made me understand him. And then the song which came after's title is called "Ai Zai Na Li", or in English, "Where is the love?"- a reference to what Paco wrote in my slumbook about his current situation with his personal life. In my slumbook, some of my friends have thought of Paco's answers as probably being sincerely so lonely and somewhat disillusioned about love, despite having Marc around all the time.

The lyrics, despite being in Hokkien, though is much of a dead giveaway since it's somewhat straightforward for the statements i really wanted to tell directly to him yet some metaphors given in the lyrics quickly captures the image of Paco and how he got me infatuated with him. Like i mentioned earlier, the lyrics were in Hokkien- the language that has been in my life for a very, very long time but has never bothered to take notice, learn and use the language. It was the language in which my Angkong lulls me to sleep as a baby, instead of calling me "bunso", they call me Shobe as i grew up, the language you have to speak when talking to non-English speaking Chinese relatives and to some extent, Aunty Shirley and Lily, and the language i never bothered learning at all. It was just when i was in college that i began to have some interest in the Fujian/Taiwanese culture but became too old to learn the language, unless i have to live in Xiamen or Taiwan. A language that seems to be almost subconscious for me until recently, just like my feelings for Paco. Hokkien could also be the personification of Paco himself, apparent in the early stage, but difficult to reach in the end.


"Li si wa sim na eh ji siu kua"
Xin jian kai qi hua yi duo

Ni shi wo sheng ming de yi shou ge
Xiang nian hui cheng yi tiao he


"You're the song within my heart
A flower bloomed within
You're the song of my life
nostalgia has converged into a river"

This first part of the song tells how Paco bloomed within my feelings from being that classmate who looks like Shnitzel from Chowder to full blast super crush. My feelings for him back then is like a flower bloomed from the inside- my feelings for him were more subconscious especially during the time we were German classmates. It slowly began to catch my attention especially when i was strong enough to have trust in other guys especially after being left broken hearted by Xurt.In fact, it was Paco's friendship and sudden withdrawal which snapped me out that i should begin to trust other people to be my crushes because if i don't, i will lose that huge chance for me to move on completely from Xurt, be a lot more bitter and might even drive away those people who deserve to love me and be loved back.
Since he made me more inclined with doing better in German and also in my other classes,he became a song in my Atenean life. According to my Fil 14 teacher, Dr. Michael Coroza, a song is one good way of remembering important things- it has rhythm and easier to follow. Paco is a song, in a way he also helps me not only remember how to do calculus stuff like chain rule, graphing... stuff(that's what was written on his notes on that topic, seriously!), integrals, integration by parts, etc. through his notes, but also he helps me remember what i should do in order to get away from my depression- study hard and well. And then all my memories of him, the nostalgia of German class and also the way he touched my hands, has converged into a river called "Illusions". After he was gone and treats me as a nobody, i began to question if he ever did become so close with me before. If my memories of him were just punishments made by my unconscious mind for still trying to pursue the friendship of Xurt in a very dangerous and super hurtful way(that it hurts not only me, my best friends, Paco but also my family).

"Liam zai wa sim na eh ji siu kua"
Bu yao zhi shi ge guo ke

Zai wo sheng ming liu xia yi shou ge
Yi shou ge
Bu lun jie ju hui ru he


A song remembered within my heart
Not just a passerby
Leaving behind a song in my life
Regardless of our ending

He is not like any other friends i ever made here in Ateneo.Because of him, he helped me finally close a chapter of my life, a chapter which deserves to be closed completely, even if he had to disappear as my friend afterwards.


Hao xiang wen ni
Dui wo dao di you mei you dong xin
Chen mo tai jiu
Zhu hui rang wo bu xiao xin fan cuo
Bu xiao xin fan cuo


Really want to ask you
If you've fallen for me yet
A silence too long
Will cause me to make a careless mistake

The last stanza (the chorus) is the most straightforward part of the song. Obviously, i was asking Paco if he ever did really fell for me. A question that seemed to be and will probably be lingering around in my head for a very long time as long as Paco still stayed to be as cold and indifferent as he is at present.
Since having a history with failed sense of restrain from provoking hostility from friends who seemed to disappeared(like my situation in highschool with Keith), i fear that if Paco keep his cold silence too long while i can't accept the fact he is a gone close friend, i might be able to provoke conflict and cause trouble with him, thus extinguishing our friendship that seemed to be meaningful. While i restrain myself from any emotional outbursts every time i see Paco with Marc, i do myself to pull myself together to accept the fact that i should let go of him and instead be happy for the fact that we could still be friends.

We could still might be friends, especially after Wang Lee Hom and Selina Jen reached the final chorus of my song- or in short, my infatuation ended, for Paco. Paco is such a good natured friend, judging from the apology he sent me through text after i gave him a candy cane with a letter that i miss him being as a friend. After all, they say that good friends are just like stars- they tend to hide in day time but if you need them in dark times, they'll always be there for you.

Chinese happiness with a teaspoon of friendship

In Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, dementors are soulless creatures considered to be among the foulest beasts on earth. They are soul sucking beings that dement people by feeding on people's happiness and good memories, forcing them to recall their worst moments. When a dementor passes by, everything became dark and cold. Besides feeding on positive emotions, Dementors can perform the Dementor's Kiss, where the Dementor latches its mouth onto a victim's lips and sucks out the person's soul.The victim is left as an empty shell, incapable of thought and with no possibility of recovery. It is believed that existing after a Dementor's Kiss is worse than death.

Even though there are no dementors in real life, right now i feel like i am surrounded by a couple of those due to some personal problems. For me, everything seemed to be nocturnally dark and cold. My mind is often beset with bad thoughts and worries. There is little happiness and unfortunately more depression.

But they say you can repel dementors by simply thinking of strong, happy thoughts. What keeps me going in life is God, my dreams in life, the opportunity that im really thankful of to God, my sister, my friends like Jonathan, Mark, my classmates, Marlon, a certain significant other(he isn't my boyfriend but we're in -puppy- love with each other. =p) and of course some good memories that serves as an inspiration as well as motivation to move on with life.

Once upon a time, in faraway Hong Kong, dad and i paid a visit to some of my Chinese relatives who live there. It was the first time i met my foreign relatives whom i only saw on photo albums. I thought they were meaner, less hospitable and i will not understand them much since they were foreigners, but i was proved wrong. I spent a day not as Irish the Filipina but as Irish the Chinese girl. The memories of lively, crowded streets that smells joss incense, the dynamic infusion of ancient, oriental wisdom and modern ambiance, the very sweet smiles of my relatives and the sense of belongingness are so vivid in me. They are something that i will never find in any of the 7,107 islands where i live, but in some other place which gently whispers to me as the place where i should really belong. I will never forget April 6,2009.

Back in the Philippines, i have some of the most beloved people in my life- my best friends. My best friends were the ones who understood what i felt, enjoyed with me, cried with me, talked to me about their joys as well as their woes. In the past 16 years, my best friends are mostly transient. Even if i met Jonathan and Mark Malabanan, there are still doubts if they're really the best friends i was wishing for, but when i was with them, they never failed to stand by my side and do what's best for me. Even if their minds aren't as open minded as mine, they still manage to understand my innermost feelings- one thing that most of my transient "best friends" haven't managed to do. It's harsh to compare them with my other best friends because all of them have different capabilities. But still, i love my best friends, even the transient ones.

Just one of life's little sentiments.

My highschool life in IJMCP

It was clear as if it was still yesterday when i asked a friend of my sister what highschool is like. I recently graduated from elementary, and i was a bit anxious about my upcoming first day in a new school and in a new chapter of my life. She told me that highschool was fun, full of lovelife and frogs to dissect. Based on my four years spent in IJMCP San Pablo, i wonder how will i describe "highschool" in my own little words...

When i was in first year, i found my new classmates GT, Julien, Dean, Gewy, Inah and Miggy really nice and fun to be with. In fact, they were the complete opposite of my mean, old classmates from Cahbriba. I was like Basilio when he moved from Letran to Ateneo, like Harry Potter when he first stepped into Hogwarts. In Cahbriba, my classmates just ignore and treat me like some loser while in Montessori, it's completely different. In Montessori, they dote and look at me like a very wonderful friend. Never before in my whole academic life i was treated as an equal by my own classmates. First year was my favorite year next to fourth year because it was studded with so much happy, innocent memories. It's unusual to hear about a highschool experience filled with memories like playing with Harry Potter and Naruto toys, ala Harry Potter dueling with pencils, Harry Potter roleplaying, Harry Potter discussions, Tarot card readings from Cardcaptor Sakura Cards, mad escapes from the wedding booth, first sweet moment ever happened(during my 13th bday, Keith spoonfed me with cake-lolz) and other kinds of wicked mischief one couldn't imagine.
But in 2nd year, things slightly changed.

When i was in 2nd year, two beloved classmates left us(Gewy and Miggy). But they were replaced by Alyssa Flores and Rafael Salazar. In my sophomore year, people in Montessori began to treat me like shit because some other new students are gracing and being doted on in the whole highschool department. My best friend Gt ditched me for Julien and new freshman girl KC Lacerna. Gt became a friend who is the best among my friends but he isn't considered a best friend to me anymore. My only best friend back then was the almost mute, new classmate Rafael Salazar(whom we affectionately call "Seksi Seksi"). Like what Ate Jel described me back then, i was really a low-profile student, just like Rafa. My sophomore year was definately the lowest ebb of my highschool life, not only i was depressed about my mom's condition but i am also sad about my life in school. My classmates doesn't talk that much to me anymore, i can't cope with that hag ma'am Flor's lessons, Keith hurts me day by day, people think im so epal, im often alone and no wonder i became the cynic everyone in school knew at present. Thank God i never lost my cool or else people in Montessori would have condemned me as crazy in a bad way. I would have transferred to Academia if it weren't for Dean, Julien and Rafa becoming Tokio Hotel fans like me. Ever since they saw and heard "Monsoon" on my ipod, they couldn't stop singing it everywhere even today. Like me, they like Bill back then better than the Bill today.
But my besmirched second year life is a bit good, i had fairly good grades, a really awesome ambition(to become a doctor/psychiatrist in Germany), people still give me some dignity and i have my own little world. I had some great memories in my second year such as the field trip in Star city(in which the bus ride home was kinda funny because KC, using her super primadonna powahs, had her horror/porn movie played until T.Mavic woke up and discovered it), the sports fest in Lipa, the Filipino quiz with questions about Harry Potter(in which the questions and answers are in ENGLISH and i scored the highest) and those moments when i find myself alone is more blissful than being with friends who turned jeje/BI.

By the time i hit third year, things began to bright up but still there are other bad things. In my third year, i enjoyed a slight improvent in my grades(since sir Ian stepped in as our new math teacher- whom im thankful to have since he teaches the subject much more clearly than t.Mavic) but i was unfortunate to have a sucky social life in school. In school, i was often alone. Rafa left me for Gt, Dean hangs around with Julien and Inah with a new girl called Rizelle. Then there was a new girl called Phoebe Ansama who often nags me to change my style into hers. Worse of all, there was a mad belief among the highschoolers that Harry Potter is satanic, thanks to the pompous, very influential, tubby man we call as "sir Jhoma" who suddenly went in our school to babble about nonsense. All these made me withdraw from the affairs of the school and into a world called Potterforums.com, where i enjoyed social acceptance, where i fought off sir Jhoma's powerful, hurtful words, stand by my own beliefs and had such wonderful friends like Keith Hutchins, Matt Scotton, GinnyX, Yasmine, Jayfer and last but not the least, Audrina Kaltiz whose claims are still doubtful up to this day. I never enjoyed my third year that much... I was in my own little world until my fourth(and last) year of highschool in Montessori came.

The summer before i started my fourth year, i promised myself not to withdraw from my classmates, spend as much time with them as i can and live my fourth year life to the fullest. On my fourth year, two dear classmates left(Inah and Rafa) Monte to spend their last year of highschool somewhere else. I also expected that i'll never had any close friends from the other levels, until Jonathan and Mark Malabanan came.
It was the year in which i faced academic successes as well as living my life as a teenager- having an awesome dad, surrounded with brilliant friends and having a love life at last on the last part.

When i first entered Montessori, i was a clumsier, liberal minded, UP dreaming 12 year old who yearned to change and live a new life. When i left Montessori, i got what i want and i left the school as a promising, loyal and faithful Montessorian who is ready to fulfill her dreams and face the real world no matter what.

My classmates in fourth year highschool...

Kevin Matthew R. Calabia, Julien Henri V.Jehan, Gideon Tyrone R. Hidalgo, Phoebe Hanna D. Ansama, Dean Tristan M. Villar and Rizelle Serrano. These six senior high school students of Infant Jesus Montessori Center Philippines are my classmates. These teenagers have been with me close for only a year(but most of them for four years) but they formed a very close bond with me that i will never ever forget.

Kevin was a fourth year highschooler ever since Ian Lopez, Ronziel Equila and some other's time. He was a close friend of mine when i was in first year. Sadly, he repeated fourth year because he wasn't doing really good in school. He improved more or less that's why he was able to graduate... or was it because teachers like sir Manto and sir Cris doesn't want to see Kevin in class anymore and the only thing that could make that happen is to pass Kevin in their classes?
Anyway, even if Kevin wasn't overly blessed with brains but at least he's really talented with drawing things and playing the guitar. Also Kevin is our pet horse/tikbalang, no wonder every time it rains on a sunny day, Kevin is missing and we get upset with him for not inviting us in his many weddings. I'll surely miss my pet horse.

Julien was the all around Frenchman of the class. Among my classmates, Julien and i are the only halfbreeds in class, the rest are Filipinos. Coincidencially, both of us exhibit a lot of traits that are typical to our non-pinoy halves. As a half-French, Julien is an extrovert on the outside but an introvert on the inside, loved France very much, fashionable, superficial, lusty(to the point that he even told us that he dreamt about raping me while he was asleep during sir Manny's class when we were in third year), shrewd, bookish, a bit lazy but a stern leader(like when he was treasurer of our class, he had us all pay our taxes on time) and he is a huge, huge fan of world history like me(particularly, French or military history). Julien and I would never be close with each other if we weren't both history bluffs, our love for France or Germany and books. It's also interesting to note that Julien and i got married in the marriage booth when we were in fourth year, thanks to my best friend Jonathan.
I will never forget him saying that he will have me deported as a terrorist when i visit France. I will miss those days when Julien and i were deeply discussing about the hundred years' war, Joan of Arc, cocktail drinks, alcoholic drinks, the human star of La Salle, (his, not our) marriage, his dream of snogging underneath a cherryblossom tree with his dream girl, his French, English and Spanish holidays, his dream of going to Italy, his boycrush with Bill Kaulitz, Tokio Hotel songs, Hayley Wiliams, universities, the prime meridian in Greenwich, a girl with glow-in-the-dark tback in Eiffel Tower, Majorca and some other things. I'll also miss those times when we were singing "Through the monsoon" or "Bluer than blue" together. I will never, ever forget my French male equivalent, the kind of best friend i was looking for when i was in elementary.

Phoebe is the fashionista girl whom i used to loathe a lot when i was in third year. I thought she will still stay as a hateful classmate to me in fourth year, but Phoebe proved me wrong. In my fourth year, Phoebe became a more considerate, more open-minded and more friendly than her third year self. Her changes impressed me so she became my friend again. She too, was impressed with my change, especially that i became closer with my classmates. I will never forget her being my official makeup hair artist. She often fix my hair every time i get a bad hair day. I'll never forget how she was amazed with me and my knowledge with a lot of interesting facts like uncle sir Pat.

Rizelle is the tall, shy, reserved girl who is Marlon's older sis. She is the one who often win in school beauty contests(she won Ms. Sportsfest when we were in fourth year, Prom princess and eventually prom queen). We weren't that much close when we were in third year but i was probably the first classmate she met in Monte. In our third year, she was "Bongang bongang Rizelle". Then in fourth year, she is always the butt of a lot of jokes and hilarious songs in our class, most popular is "Ako'y nasa Sariaya, ala siete ng gabi...". That song was so popular that even the Lucena peeps went to sing along with us when we sing that last retreat. I will never forget her smile, her long, straight, flat hair, her gowns by Chiva, her flails, her complaints about Marlon(and Marlon's complaints about her), her official stylist Raul, her timidness, her dad Rizaldy's smile and her friendliness.

Dean is the one whom i always binabra. He is the boisterous, parasitical giant classmate of ours who never fails to "base" his assignments on other people's assignments, shout in his muras and influence the minds of others with his, uhm... muras. Dean was also sir Manto's favorite student to pick up for his jokes as well as Ma'am Flor's fave pet peeve. I will never forget him bullying me for being a "Chenes", his sayings like "Ay tabakuan ni mite" or "O hindeeee...", braiding my hair, raiding my bag for my clover, cheezy, Chinese pastries, math assignments, sir Ian minusing my math assignment because Dean "based" his answers on my assignments, believing my word that Xurt is gay(because Gt is about to tell Dean that Xurt has a huge crush on me), asking me why am i Chinese even though i don't know how to speak Chinese(i snapped back at him why is Julien is French even though he doesn't know how to speak French... and Julien replying back "oh, in your face..."), his left arm with the whitebeard sign, him doodling on everywhere(from tables to Julien's back in which he drew the Huguenot symbol), drawing the Huguenot or whitebeard symbol everywhere, his dream about everyone he knew entering heaven while sir Manny is acting as San Pedro, being the leader of the Huguenots according to sir Ian, distorting the whole story of Ibong Adarna, Florante at Laura, Noli me Tangere and El Filibusterismo, being upset with tita Grace for forgetting him as her godson and loads of other mischief.

GT has been my best friend since i was in first year. He was the top of our class, the shining leader and the only honor student in our class. Even if he's shining out with all his achievements and responsibilities, he still never forgets to be kind, friendly, helpful and humble to all of us. He's the kind of honor student who still keeps his head cool and treat us as his equals. But not everything is rosy and Mary Sue-ish in Gt. Back when we were in first year, Gt is my total best friend because he was a huge Harry Potter fan like me. He was the best friend that i cherished a lot until he stopped hanging out with me, stopped being a Harry Potter fan and hanged around with his new friends. Gt was invisible in my life until the summer before we turned fourth year. I came back from Hong Kong speaking in Cantonese gibberish when i entered Brain Train. Since there's no Rafa-dears in sight, i became the one whom Gt was close with and he introduced me to his friends from LC- Ronald, Kathy, Abby and Neil. Then after the Brain Train, Gt began to treat each and every one of us class and sir Ian as his best friends(maybe in Rizelle's case, more than his best friend). GT was even my groupmate last retreat, and we had so much fun together. Once again, Gt became my best friend even though the Gt whom i used to talk about Harry Potter is long dead and gone. I will never forget the times when we talk about sir Ian, God, math, our dream schools, Ivan de los Santos, when we draw gowns, speak to each other in Chinese gibberish, when we work together as a team with Abby, Twinkle, sir Ian and t. Wei, when we ate together in Mami ni Osang during our BT sessions, when he calls me Irishes, Chenes, Shih Tzu or Hermione(first year), when he fixs my hair(and sometimes my clothes), when tita Weny helps us out in our problems, when tito Jun and i talks about random things and a loads of other things.

and last but not definately the least, me. I was considered the Chenes of the class. When i entered Montessori, i was showered with popularity and attention until new girls came to our school. I was a low profiler until i hit fourth year, when i became the "Pambansang Chenes" of the highschool. As the Pambansang Chenes, i became one not only because of my looks but because my attitude is so Chinese, the way i dress is so Chinese, i speak in Chinese gibberish, most of my favorite food are Chinese, i am really good in math(by Montessori standards), i reap a lot of academic achievements(by Montessori standards) and a lot of people say i got this aura that they feel common among Chinese.


My classmates all left in me not only treasured memories but also life's lessons. They taught me how to be sociable, how to win the acceptance of others, how to take on revenge(with laughs) and most of all, how to leave a mark on other peoples' lives.

My plans before the school year ends

I only got half a year before i would tearfully say goodbye to my beloved Montessori. Education, friends, spoonfeeding(when it comes to learning), good teachers, good memories, closely knit classes, field trips to malls, lots of fun school events, and air-conditioned classrooms, what more can a highschool student ask for? Next year, i may no longer had that kind of treatment anymore since they say college is very different, so i just have to enjoy every single bit of my last year in Montessori. But when my last few days in Infant Jesus Montessori Center Philippines come, i plan on doing these things:

-Take a picture of all my friends candidly. Then take off my Cahbribading photos on my photo frame and replace them with those.
- Hug all of my friends, it may be the last time we'll get to see them for a long time.
- make a chalk graffiti on each and every blackboards in the Highschool department. My magical "Hogwarts like" life in first year(on the classroom where i spent my first year), my German emoness in second year(where i spent my second year), Hong Kongian/German love in third year, and my life as a fourth year- ending with the Chinese characters "it is done" and "Consummatum est".

Auf Wiedersehen Audrina

Good bye, Audrina Kaltiz.

Whom i considered one of my greatest internet friends ever.

The reason why Bill thinks people from Hong Kong are sweet, helpful and friendly. (well each and everyone of those Hong Kongers i meet were like that)

Whom i considered a last minute savior to me when i was about to throw Tokio Hotel off my life after suffering from a devastating heartbreak that costs me not to spend time with my sister abroad anymore.

She was a really great friend. I met her last year, it was independence day. A day before was my first day of school. After i went home from school, i sobbed silently in my room because i recalled what a girl called tokiohotelmistress told about Bill. devastating lies that if all of them are true, it would be something horrible and frightening to face as a loyal and die hard Tokio Hotel fan- being stabbed in the back and at the same time making a big fool of you by those guys especially Bill and Tom. I swear, you would rather throw yourself off on top of 2 IFC( anyway Bill will never tell you "Spring Nicht" coz he thinks you're a fool so just jump off!!!), get drowned in Victoria Harbour(and eventually get rescued by Yau Nim Chi-lol) or get yourself ran over by a high-speed Tung Chung line MTR train instead of facing the fact Bill and/or Tom is/are laughing at you behind your back for being so naive- thinking he's innocent and all that- if you were a tokio hotel fan believing all her conniving and convincing lies.

Then morning came and i was excited to go back to school(to divert myself from Bill) but i decided to surf the internet first-since i had enough time to do so. I went to Potterforums coz i thought it would be the best place for me to divert Tokio Hotel. As usual i always visit the Introduction section where i spam... *ahem*.... say some "Welcome to the forums mate..." to pf noobs. I was surprised to see another girl in the Potterforums who likes Tokio Hotel, i told her i was glad to have a fellow TH fan on the forums and then she said that she was ... Bill's cousin.
Then it blossomed a very wonderful and nice online friendship until recently, she stopped talking to me. In fact, she just disappeared on the face of the earth, just like that.

Why am i bidding her goodbye?

Coz im so tired of waiting for her, she's been long enough absent and it's making me sick. three months!!! I think she's dead already. If so R.I.P like Corazon Aquino.
I don't want to wait for her. That i will hope and expect each and everyday of all the days the Lord has made checking my yahoo mail and waiting for that myspace notification that Audrie had replied to my message. I don't want to be disappointed anymore. I don't care if she was really my crush's cousin or not.

Good Bye Audrina Kaltiz!!!

One rather monotonous day....

Okay, this day could be deemed as the most physically and mentally tiring day in 2009 since a while ago i did a lot of tiring things.

I went to school early and instead of wearing my usual gala uniform, i was wearing my PE uniform, i bought an extra tshirt and a bottle of water because sir Cris announced that all third years and fourth years will be running around in the Sampaloc Lake- which we did once last year.
My morning was the mentally hard part since most of the classes that took place at that time, the teachers threw out quizzes and things to answer, not much lecture but yeah- more quizzes.
In between those times, the recess and lunch, i spend most of my spare time asking and nagging my groupmates in the cooking contest for tomorrow about monetary means and important things we have to do for today and bring for tomorrow. During those times, we decided two of the most crucial decisions we made for tomorrow- Jonathan's mum will be cooking the pork ribs first in their house and then the people who will be doing the shopping in Puregold- Me, Asrie and Jonathan out of Twinkle, Marlon, Camille and Paolo.
Then afternoon came and Sir Cris called us all and we went to Sampaloc Lake. Well yeah, we all ran and it was really tiring but fun. I remember walking around when i got so tired and just enjoy the view of the lake, the lush greenery as well as the fresh air that you can blissfully breathe.
I happily reached the finish line as I was one of the first to reach it among my friends. Sadly, it went down to 3 minutes compared to my last year's record, even though i lagged from behind my peeps last year!! (Mine's 43 minutes this year while last year was 40)
After beautifying myself after we went back to school, Jonathan asked that Asriel and I will meet him in Puregold instead since he'll go home first to get some money, so Asriel and i agreed to go ahead to Puregold and along the way, we managed to get some schoolmates like Phoebe, Anthony, Jean (Valjean) and Dave to join us in Puregold so they'll b able to do their own shopping as well.
When we got there, Jonathan was not yet inside so Asriel and i decided to shop for some food until Jonathan came and we'l be able to buy those pork ribs. It was hard looking for the best bargain and exact kind of ingredients. Our legs and feet are dying from walking too much. Some ten minutes later, Jonathan finally came and we're almost finished with shopping for goods. After picking up a good lemon, garlic powder and oil, we went to the Monterey stall and we looked for some ribs that costs us around PHP 500.
After purchasing all those, we decided to part ways(with Jonathan carrying the pork ribs) and i hopped into a tricycle alone since Asriel wasn't going home yet. It was the first time ever that i used public transport here in the Philippines on my own. Well, i was afraid since anything bad could happen and what if yaya saw me on the tricycle riding alone??
Thank goodness, the tricycle went to the back route instead in the usual main gate so i thought of dropping off in the back gate of Montessori (the one gate that is nearest to Canossa) and then walk a little to reach the main gate.
When i arrived at the main gate, i saw yaya waiting for me and we went home. Shortly after i went home, someone suddenly called and it was Jonathan. He told me that the ribs we bought were not good enough for our cooking so we should get it back to Puregold but the problem is, the receipt was with me and i can't go back to Puregold. So i told yaya to go to puregold but she refused. After much shouting and snapping, she reluctantly accepts. after some 30 minutes she got back and gave the receipt to Jonathan. Whew... what a day. I feel so tired anyway, plus i have to study for the UPCAT later since this saturday morning will be my UPCAT and sadly, i will be the first among my classmates who will be taking the exams.

And then, all of the H&M Fashion Against AIDS clothes in Hong Kong are sold out, according to tita Cherry(since i asked her to buy me one and i'll pay her back in return). Must be because of those senglots, tourists, the growing number of Hong Kongian Tokio Hotel fans- including me according to Bill- or them all. Tita Cherry also agreed that Tokio Hotel's tshirt is one mighty shirt.

WTF?? but that was the past....

Just a while ago, when i was passing on some "Vote Tata for grade 6 rep" campaign comments to friends, i stumbled upon a very ancient friendster account of mine that i seemed to abandoned a long time ago. Stumbling upon it was like rediscovering a well preserved 6000 year old ancient mummy in the Alps, everything i rave about when i was in first year- the Harry Potter-ish blurbs, youtube videos of Regina Spektor, RHCP, MCR and Pink, some MCR pics and my interests back then. Looking at all those it's like a time capsule and you got to know and compare your likes and dislikes now with who you are three years ago. I realized i changed so much since then.
Aside from looking (and laughing) at my collection of MCR photos, interests and such, i accidentally stubled upon my old friendster blog- another important artifact of my First Year life.
As i scanned through the very few blog posts, i read my posts about my plans on being an HP fan in (the then coming) 2007, Spiderwick Chronicles, Captain Underpants, My Chemical Romance and then, i saw a blog post that shows so much of my emotions about the harsh emotional and social torture Keith had made me undergo. Well, i feel sorry for my old self so much that if she was me all along but another person, i would have defended her against the conniving comments that were spat out by (the then evil) Ronziel and the guy who claimed he was Keith's "half brother" called Tipsilog. I would have told her that it sucks having a friend like that drift away from you, i would have told her that what she is suffering right now is nothing compared to the upcoming dangers and frustrations Keith will give on her when she hits her second, third and even fourth year- Keith will avoid and reject her even more up to the point when sir Cris assigned us to be dance partners for the J.S until he leaves her at the last minute of the practice. Even when she's in fourth year, her classmates will still taunt her about Keith.
Now i understand how hard i felt and all the troubles i've been and now i've uncovered the mystery why i turned into my "emo times" until some things turned on the lights- which is Tokio Hotel and a few change of interests.
Good thing on the last half of my second year, i began to find diversion away from him that i drifted away and away from him. On my third year, i was recovering and seemed to lost my interest on him- especially on those times when i really love Bill so much whether in a *dance careless whisper ala Dr. Hayden Kho*(you guys either don't want to know or got my point) or an innocent "fan-ish" way. What i really hate about Keith on my third year was on my JS Prom Practices when sir Cris assigned us to be dance partners for the J.S until he dumped me at the last minute of the practice by unexpectedly getting Patreng. I don't have any feelings for him but i felt frustrated because i was still being rejected and casted away from him even if i no longer had feelings for him. But i didn't mind on my JS Prom and i successfully led myself to enjoy my "night" according to kuya Cj without thinking or fretting about him. Then on his graduation day, i gave him the best graduation gift i had to offer for him. It's not a picture of us being best friends, not a Harry Potter book and certainly not a letter of my deep angry feelings.
Now he's in college (and unfortunately, in the same college my sister goes), i hope that my sister's katropang Arki jocks will beat the crap out of him and torture him like a kidnapped cardinal in Angels and Demons. Then i will certainly be able to get "...retribution".

When he probably marched off to get his Highschool diploma, he looked into the crowd, glanced at his mom, dad, ate Kim, cousins, friends and teachers who had been with him for the past four years, anyone he knew in highschool but one schoolmate. That schoolmate who has been annoying him with pathetic reasons, who bombarded and forever made a mark on his highschool life as the girl whom people always links him with other than Danica, Shavy-LC girl- and Patreng. Anyone was there but that one girl. Well, he was certainly glad about that since no one was there to ruin the best and the last part of his highschool life but he may wonder why she is missing.
But what he doesn't know that the girl had her head straight forward to the future as she packed her brown Roxy luggage with clothes and then smiled at her famous androgynous German crush's photo with delight and whispered to him "...im going back to Hong Kong so you better not ruin it this time. I'll be grateful about it if you made me happy for a week."
Then in Hong Kong, she had lots of fun, met her long lost Chinese relatives and her adorable German crush succeeded in never letting her down this time(in fact he helped her make a good impression upon her Chinese relatives) . What was really great is that she left the past behind had totally forgot about Keith for five days as she saw the bright lights and the wonders of life ahead....

...That girl was me.

Fourth Year mayhem!!!

Well, i decided to make a blog post about a usual day of myself in school so just in case when i want to reminisce a part of my highschool in the future, i would clearly remember the things that happened at this time. Something like a time capsule for me, every month i would post something that tells my usual day in school until march.


This morning, i woke up at around 6 AM in my Japanese futon bed with a very heavy and sleepy head. I struggled to get myself up and walk to the bathroom dizzily as if i've just rode two consecutive rides on the Space Mountain(of Hong Kong Disneyland) and Space Shuttle(of Enchanted Kingdom). Then after brushing my pearly whites, i took a cold bath for 15 minutes until i felt a bit awake. Yeah, i felt awake but it's not enough to keep me going. After putting on my beige and pink gala uniform(and half wished my class and i could wear PE uniforms like the other year levels two times a week too) and sprayed on some Victoria's Secret "My Desire" perfume, i went out of my room, grabbed my school bag and hurriedly ate breakfast of hotdog and sweet rolls. Then after eating breakfast, i went out of the house and hurriedly went to school via a tricycle.

When i arrived at school, i was surprised i was a bit early than ever that i waited for 5 minutes before the bell rang to begin our CBA. Then at CBA, it was the first years who led the prayer, Lupang Hinirang and Panatang Makabayan. After the first years had finished, us fourth years and third years were called by our adviser sir Cris and our discipline officer sir Jojo to teach the students the new excercise. We went onstage and waited for our teachers to finally sort out the cantamixer and then played "Jai Ho" by the Pussycat Dolls- much to the delight of the young'uns. It was a bit exhausting but was very fun to dance especially the part that was often shown in the Pussycat Dolls vid. I agree everyone of us did a very great job in dancing it, haha!!!

After dancing "Jai Ho", we were told to go to our first classes(Oops, Sir Cris forgot to make us sing the march song for the second time around-lol) . In our first class- English- Sir Manto discussed our assignments as well as his anguish at kuya Berto and the new untility staff. In my opinion, kuya Berto is okay especially that he likes to talk about Japanese stuffs. To the other utility staff, i have no comment since we're not that close yet. Then after sir Manto's class, it was Filipino with T. Anna Espadera. T. Anna just made us review for our next period's quiz about Jose Rizal. Then the bell rang and it was recess. I remember eating Siu Mai and sipping coke to alleviate my sluggishness as i scanned over my Rizal notes with Rizelle. After reccess, we proceeded quickly with the Filipino quiz. I admit i had quite a hard time recalling the who's who and the why of the whats of the ways of Rizal, but the good thing was i scored as high as GT, we're both the highest- 36/40. ;-)
Then at math time, sir Ian taught us about an old topic we had discussed when we were in third year- linear functions.
Then lunchtime came and im lunching on Lucky Me Pinoy Chicken mami cup noodles again, i had this yesterday and a few days ago. I was sitting with Hanna, Vannesa(Muje's little sis) , Camille and Kash- talking about schoolmates, school, old memories and what we did last summer- when suddenly Rachaelle came. She noticed that im eating the same lunch again and since she's quite nosy and curious about things-like most Americans i met in person are- she asked me why am i eating the same thing. I told her that it was the only flavor that we had back in our home, then it was okay for her.
After lunch, we went with our afternoon classes: Values, Physics and Economics. Then Economics ended and we had a 15 minute reccess. After reccess, we had computer and then laboratory, when we were dismissed at five in the afternoon.