The world is so... unfair.

Recently, i find myself waking up with bad headache, sadness and utter frustration... even though it's not yet Hell Week.

All these times, i thought the reason why Xurt likes Wendy a hell lot is because Wendy isn't that much insanely jealous and possessive of him. I thought the reason why he dumped me off(even though we're not on) is because i was too tight of him...
But whaddayouknow, after i stopped the connection between me and him as lovers, i see on his facebook profile that he's praising and liking Wendy more for being... selosa and possesive of him. It's all bullshit, hard to believe but it's the whole fucking truth. Don't tell me Xurt will praise Wendy next for being a Xaverian... or else coz she's not totally a Xaverian not even 0.000000001%. Now, i don't know if ever he remember the reason why he hates me so, was he really that crazy or that he never totally liked me at all ever since. It's something that is considered to be fishy and at the same time sad.

Other than Xurt, everytime i come home (even on Loyola Heights), i always been in pain because of those only two(no, make that one) whom i consider as "family". Yesterday, i was dumbstruck when i read the messages my sister sent me. She asked me for the pldt phone so she could call dad, then her next message was rather awful. she told me that she's so sick of me not replying and that if dad got mad, it would be my fault. she wished for a sister whom she could count on but instead she got me... Yeah right, as if those messages came on time (rolls eyes). Those messages(which were sent by her at around 2:30pm) arrived in my inbox at about 5:30 pm. I tried to explain this fucking problem but instead she just ignored and rather coldly said "okay lang yun" as if those messages really came in my inbox at 2:30 pm(the last time i checked out my phone was 3:00 and there wasnt any messages yet). I wished for a sister who could understand me a lot, but instead i got her.
As for my dad, he went a bit lighter with us but still stringy with what we need. Last sunday, i got a new phone... after all the scary(na katakot takot na... as dad would say it) negotiation we have to fix. he wants to buy a phone if it's 0% on the credit card. When we couldnt find a deal which sells the phone at 0%, dad just told me to pay him Php 830 every month for 6 months to pay off the phone(which i think is a bit fair). But still it's not fair because before we were off to buy the phone, my dad rants about buying hams and tshirts(that were not meant for us to enjoy but) for the customers and those dirty, fat-assed commissioners who would take 50% off of the things we sold to a customer they bring. I can't believe a parent would rather prioritize those people he doesn't know more than his child, especially the one he consider affectionately as junior. I better enjoy his too-good-to-be-true, Xurt-like sweetness because by january he would be the devil again.

The world is terribly... unfair.

Chinese happiness with a teaspoon of friendship

In Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, dementors are soulless creatures considered to be among the foulest beasts on earth. They are soul sucking beings that dement people by feeding on people's happiness and good memories, forcing them to recall their worst moments. When a dementor passes by, everything became dark and cold. Besides feeding on positive emotions, Dementors can perform the Dementor's Kiss, where the Dementor latches its mouth onto a victim's lips and sucks out the person's soul.The victim is left as an empty shell, incapable of thought and with no possibility of recovery. It is believed that existing after a Dementor's Kiss is worse than death.

Even though there are no dementors in real life, right now i feel like i am surrounded by a couple of those due to some personal problems. For me, everything seemed to be nocturnally dark and cold. My mind is often beset with bad thoughts and worries. There is little happiness and unfortunately more depression.

But they say you can repel dementors by simply thinking of strong, happy thoughts. What keeps me going in life is God, my dreams in life, the opportunity that im really thankful of to God, my sister, my friends like Jonathan, Mark, my classmates, Marlon, a certain significant other(he isn't my boyfriend but we're in -puppy- love with each other. =p) and of course some good memories that serves as an inspiration as well as motivation to move on with life.

Once upon a time, in faraway Hong Kong, dad and i paid a visit to some of my Chinese relatives who live there. It was the first time i met my foreign relatives whom i only saw on photo albums. I thought they were meaner, less hospitable and i will not understand them much since they were foreigners, but i was proved wrong. I spent a day not as Irish the Filipina but as Irish the Chinese girl. The memories of lively, crowded streets that smells joss incense, the dynamic infusion of ancient, oriental wisdom and modern ambiance, the very sweet smiles of my relatives and the sense of belongingness are so vivid in me. They are something that i will never find in any of the 7,107 islands where i live, but in some other place which gently whispers to me as the place where i should really belong. I will never forget April 6,2009.

Back in the Philippines, i have some of the most beloved people in my life- my best friends. My best friends were the ones who understood what i felt, enjoyed with me, cried with me, talked to me about their joys as well as their woes. In the past 16 years, my best friends are mostly transient. Even if i met Jonathan and Mark Malabanan, there are still doubts if they're really the best friends i was wishing for, but when i was with them, they never failed to stand by my side and do what's best for me. Even if their minds aren't as open minded as mine, they still manage to understand my innermost feelings- one thing that most of my transient "best friends" haven't managed to do. It's harsh to compare them with my other best friends because all of them have different capabilities. But still, i love my best friends, even the transient ones.

Just one of life's little sentiments.

Once upon a time in Hong Kong...(part 1)

It was a cloudy saturday morning when i was in the very shabby looking Terminal 1 of the Ninoy Aquino International Airport waiting for a Cathay Pacific plane to come and whisk us off to Hong Kong. Damn, the roaming request that i sent to Globe some two minutes ago didn't work and it was an hour to go before i have to board CX 906. I guess my phone isn't tri-band at all and i have to suffer the consenquence of having limited communication here in the Philippines, unless i have a chance to surf the internet there.
At 11 Am, me and dad boarded the plane where the flight attendants are mostly Hong Kongers who reminded me very much about Hong Kong that the Cantonese accent i aquired the last time i went there got back. For an hour and three fourths, i never turned on my ipod since i was too amazed with the tvs on every seat that i watched Kimora Lee Simmon's life on the fab lane and Discovery Channel instead. Sigh, so much of hearing Bill's voice on Cathay. Speaking of Bill, everytime i see the Hong Konger flight attendants i always think of him, coz he thinks that im like them- a Hong Konger.
Then at around 1 PM, we arrived in Chek Lap Kok airport aka Hong Kong International Airport or HKG- meaning Hong Kong Gulay??- in my boarding pass. According to my English teacher sir Manto, it was one of the best airports ever. Beat that LAX...lol
"Well, welcome back to Hong Kong." i told myself as i look around while i was waiting in the very bongacious arrival hall. Loads of people from around the world- British, Germans, Japanese, Turks, Czechs, ect...- inside the very modern architecture of the airport, the airport express and the Hong Kongers themselves took my breath away.
For three nights, we stayed at Marco Polo Gateway-sorry, no Jimmy the bumbay bellboy, just Zakal, the "....uh, Persian?" bellboy - where there is a huge mall within it called Harbour City.
While dad just slept away in the hotel room, i went down to Harbour city which is a lift away.

I went to Christian Audigier/Ed Hardy, Hong Kong records, French Connection, Lane Crawford, and some other shops. In Christian Audigier, they don't have the Ed Hardy perfume nor the Ed Hardy wallet i am looking for so i didn't buy anything there but i took a picture of myself fitting out the most awesomest (but kinda expensive) tshirt that my body touched upon on. Strangly, Audrie was responsible for making Bill think i live in Hong Kong but every Hong Konger i see really reminds me of Bill. Here and there and everywhere, up the stairs or even underground. I see what those people live like and i think "Maybe if Bill knows how a Hong Konger lives, he would assume i live like that...."
While i was walking around the Harbour City, i first felt culture shocked upon seeing my supposed look alikes until i realized they're the kind of people Bill thinks i belong to. Then i passed by a Lingerie shop that reminded me of Audrie-for seeing her looking like a stripper in myyearbook.com some days before- when i turned my heads on the crowd walking around, Bill suddenly went back to my mind.

Then on our second day of the trip, we had our half-day city tour which was okay. It's the same itinerary that i had last time i've been there, and not to mention my old tourguide/photographer Yen was there but our tourguide is new- Ray is his name. first, on To Kwa Wan where there is that Jewelry shop where there is a Chinese boss who knows how to speak Tagalog with Chinese accent. Then on HKCEC in Wan Chai where that place reminded me much about many things, from my melancholic breakdown there last year to Bill Kaulitz and to that Hong Kong comedy show called Virtues of Harmony 2 on Channel 55 (TVBS-G i think) where the sequence before and after a commercial involves the main characters dancing around there.-lol
Then after Wan Chai, we went off to Aberdeen where there are boats to ride but i didn't ride a boat coz i already took a ride the last time. After some 30 minutes of sitting around Aberdeen, we went to our final destination which is the Peak where we took picturesque pictures of Hong Kong island and some parts of Kowloon ala HSBC $HK 20 bill on the back. Then our tourguide Ray dropped us off near Marco Polo Prince after we brought those picture plate souvenirs that Yen sells for HK$150 each.

After that, i got to surf the internet for the first time ever abroad in the hotel!! I took the chance to do all the most important things as well as to read Bill's message for me last year that he thought would reach Hong Kong but actually, i got to read it again in Hong Kong. It was the last thing on the internet that i saw before i signed out and went off to the nearest MTR(Mass Transit Railways) station in Tsimshatsui to buy an octopus card and then off to Admiralty, our first stop in Hong Kong island.

In Admiralty, i took the opportunity to get near and take pictures of the famed Bank of China tower. Then off we go to Central to go to Exchange Square where the bus going to Stanley Village is stopping. Along the way, we saw an alleyway full of Filipinos in Des Voeux road. There is even a Jollibee hanging around there.-lol

After an hour of shopping for souvenirs for us and for friends in Stanley Village, we went back to Tsim Sha Tsui where we rested, ate dinner in Cameron Road and then shopped a little bit in Harbour City. Then at around 10 PM, my tita Cherry called from our hotel and we asked her Auntie Shirley's number and she gave it to us. then we called Auntie Shirley on my phone and she agreed that she'll meet us tomorrow.